


neverending nights

by bunshima



Category: Katana ZERO (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Gore, Nightmares, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:45:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 39,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunshima/pseuds/bunshima
Summary: “What's your ID?”, he asks, still firm.“Zero.”, he replies truthfully.“Bullshit.”, Dragon growls at him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hell hell hell ive looked at this so much idont wanna see it anymore pls take it (yes u see right theres more to come but fair warning: im busy and my muse is fickle so it might take a while till i can come up with more)
> 
> disclaimer: no proofreading sorry :c, zero and fif arent happy people and ive taken my time to accentuate that with this fic, zero is dissociating and so am i, the 150 isnt there YEt please be patient im very small

Everything pertaining his escape is a blur to Zero;  _ he must’ve ran halfway across the third district. _ The cops weren’t even close to catching him, so he was able to hide in an abandoned apartment complex, likely located at the edge of the district. There’s not much out here– no way they’ll find him. The old shabby mattress he got from one of the apartments isn’t the most comfortable he’s slept on  _ (as if his beloved couch was any better), _ but it’ll suffice until he figures out his next steps.  _ And so he rests for the moment. _

That was three days ago– or has it been three months?  _ Only three hours, even? _

Zero is drenched in cold sweat as his eyes snap open. The smashed skull of his therapist gapes at him, the bloodied stone still in his hands raised above his head. He strikes another time in frenzy and then an entire blur of memories follows, too fast for him to distinguish them properly.  _ Perhaps it’s for the best. _

So, is  **this** what dying of Chronos withdrawal is like? 

Now that Zero thinks of it, he can’t even tell if he already passed or not. One moment his entire body is burning, in the next he feels like he’s going to die from hypothermia. He can feel himself convulse involuntarily, his innards seemingly struggling against their god-given constraints. It hurts.  _ It hurts so much. _ If there’d still be some fight left in him, Zero would surely be crying out in pain. 

And then, everything stops at once, his field of vision no more than a void of black.

_ “Poor bastard!”, _ a familiar voice laughs, shrill and discordant, “Just look at him– never thought I’d see him like this!”

“An abhorrent fate has befallen thee,  _ o errant heart.”,  _ the other voice whispers to him, “As thou bear this lustrous mask of silver, thy final end may never cometh.  **_Such is thine choice, valiant one.”_ **

“Remember, it was one thing for another!  **_For fuck’s sake,_ ** _ should’ve chosen death if ya can’t even keep yourself alive.”  _

Next thing Zero knows, a stinging pain surges through his thigh. He can’t help but cry out in both surprise and at the sensation itself. His senses grow sharp once more– albeit only for a moment. Then, he passes out another time. 

 

_ –––– _

 

Zero is out cold for what feels like mere seconds. 

He snaps awake, lying across the backseat of a car on his side. Mildly disoriented, he looks around. Sleep without nightmares is new to him, so it always leaves him questioning whether he  _ really _ slept or if the Chronos was fucking with him. The Null wants to sit up, but halts in his tracks when he notices who's behind the wheel of said car. 

“Keep your head down.”, the driver grunts coarsely at Zero, adjusting his rear mirror to give him a look through a pair of shades. 

_ Dragon. _

He almost wants to defy the other's request, but the familiar sight of flashing red and blue makes him lay down again, pressing against the car seats. 

“We're almost out of the third district.”, Dragon tells him and his next words are spoken more like an order than a suggestion, “Sleep some more.”

“Where are you taking me?”, Zero asks, sporting an equally rough tone to match Dragon's. 

“Second district.”, comes the dry reply. 

_ “Specifics would be nice.”, _ Zero bites back. There’s a brief moment of him considering the odds of survival if he just opened the door and jumped out. Said odds aren’t in his favor, as his precognition tells him. No matter what he tries, his brains end up splattered across the curb. 

He could've sworn he just saw Dragon's eyebrow twitch at his statement. An additional huff tells him that he shouldn't push his luck any further, lest he changes his mind about getting him away from the cops.  _ Fine, _ he thinks to himself. The other's suggestion seems better and better by the second, but the sirens’ howling accompanied by flashing lights keep Zero alert. Well, at least for another five minutes before his eyelids grow unbearably heavy.

They're still looking for him, but for now the Null uses the opportunity to get more sleep.

 

_ –––– _

 

The third time Zero wakes up,  _ it's even worse than the past two.  _

He finds himself in a familiar predicament– sat on a chair in some dusty-ass basement, handcuffed, but  _ not _ hurt.  _ Huh, that's somethin’, at least. _ Although, the thing he doesn't welcome is Dragon standing before him, arms crossed. 

“Finally awake?”

Zero doesn't reply and instead rattles the cuffs on his wrists, attempts to kick his legs. He isn't fully convinced that Dragon wants to butcher him for the hell of it– but the entire setup isn't the most trustworthy either. Perhaps it's time to be cooperative for once in his life  _ because things can't get worse as of late.  _

“There's something I want to ask you.”, Dragon states firmly, “After that, you'll be free to go.”

“I'm all ears.” Zero sees no reason to resist him. They've likely gone through similar things during their life as Nulls after all  _ (if only he knew).  _

“What's your ID?”, he asks, still firm. 

Zero recalls seeing something about a Null ID in his file. It's strange not knowing your own name, being simply labeled with a number, but perhaps ‘Zero’ is the best he'll ever get. To be honest, it  _ does _ have a nice ring to it. 

_ “Zero.”, _ he replies truthfully. 

Much to his surprise, this earns him a quite scorned expression from Dragon. That's a damn hateful stare for someone with a stoic demeanor.

**_“Bullshit.”,_ ** Dragon growls at him and Zero could’ve sworn he just felt some spit flying his way. “Don't fuck with me.”

“I answered your question like you wanted me to.”, Zero retorts, remaining calm for now. 

_ “I know for sure that isn't your fucking ID.” _ It's an intimidating sight to witness Dragon's face twist in rage this way. “Give me your  **_real_ ** one.”

_ “But I just did.” _

Not a split second later, he gets a strong right hook across the face. Perhaps staying indifferent wasn't such a good idea. The impact leaves stars in his vision and a stinging pain spreads across his cheek. It's enough to make Zero shake his head, attempting to clear his senses. Needless to say, there's morbid interest bubbling in him. Was there another Zero before him,  _ one that Dragon knew? _ However, any thoughts about the current situation are wiped off his mind when Dragon takes a strong hold of his hair, forcing eye contact between them. 

**“What's your fucking ID.”**

“I don't know what you want to hear from me.”, Zero states, jaw clenching visibly, “That  **_is_ ** my ‘fucking ID’.”

Likely fueled by the resistance he's faced with (more like  _ defiance _ in  **his** eyes), Dragon's grip tightens on Zero's scalp, tilting his head over the backrest of the chair. The neon light burns horribly in the Null's eyes, enough to make him squeeze them shut and bare his gritted teeth. 

Dragon's voice drones in his ears, “I'll ask again:  **_what is your Null ID.”_ **

**_“Zero.”_ ** Again, the same reply, pressed forth between clenched teeth. It’s bordering on a miracle that he’s staying this calm when the other’s patience is clearly wearing thin and he has no qualms about letting him feel it.

The grip in his hair tightens so much that Zero is sure that Dragon is going to scalp him.  _ Should he start struggling now? _ Judging by his precognition, the most he'll be harmed is a few more punches before the other leaves him to stew in his basement. To be honest,  _ that’s absolutely fine with him; _ that way the cops won’t find him and he doesn’t have to sleep under the next bridge. Zero fully expects the foreseen to take place–  **but it doesn't.**

Instead, Dragon's grip loosens all of a sudden. Thanks to the blinding neon light, Zero doesn’t dare to open his eyes in order to check what’s going on with the other Null. Sweaty hands fumble for purchase on his face, hastily brushing away his bangs and pulling on his hair to keep it out of the way. 

Zero can’t keep a low grunt to himself when there’s equally sweaty fingers feeling over a spot on the right side of his forehead, right under the hairline. It’s  _ extremely  _ uncomfortable, hot and shallow breaths fanning over his skin while Dragon seems to be taking a particularly thorough look at something there. Zero allows it for another second before he starts struggling in the other’s grip. And  _ thank-fucking-god, _ he finally lets go of him and Zero gets to lower his head again, eventually being able to open his eyes without having to fear being permanently blinded by these  _ shit lights. _

He doesn’t give Dragon another glance before he starts trying to wipe his face on his shoulder, desperate to rid himself of the excess grease the other Null left on his skin.  _ If he’s that nervous he shouldn’t do interrogations, for fuck’s sake.  _

“The fuck’s  **_your_ ** problem?”, he growls, lips twisted in a deep scowl. 

But seeing Dragon’s demeanor forces his own to turn from disgusted to  _ confused. _

The Null had jumped back an entire step. He’s gone as pale as a corpse. One hand is covering his mouth in shock while the other is curled into the fabric of his suit, putting creases into it. For some reason, Zero can feel goosebumps rise on his nape.  _ Perhaps he really did know him. _

“What the fuck.” It breaks out of Dragon just like that. Hell, it sounds almost like **a sob.** _“You’re alive.”_

It seems like he’s going through all stages of grief in the matter of mere moments. His chest heaves as he continues to stare Zero down, beads of sweat building at his temples. Panic, bewilderment and  _ god knows what else _ seem to have Dragon in their grip, turning him into a shaken mess. However, all Zero can do is tilt his head in utter confusion. 

“What are you talking about?”, he inquires with uncertainty clear in his voice, Dragon's anxiety having passed onto him. 

“Zero, i-it's  **me.”**

The Null's brows knit together tightly as he attempts to remember  **_something,_ ** hoping for a miracle, though to no avail. He never knew how serious his head injury was– not even that it seemed to have left a scar (mostly since he doesn't like looking at himself)– but slowly he realizes the consequences of it. 

**_“Fifteen.”,_** Dragon says, all choked up and uncharacteristically shrill. It seems he's reached his breaking point, unwilling to understand that there's no recollection of whatever was between them.

_ Fifteen, _ Zero repeats to himself. He heard that before. 

For another moment, the other null stands there. The fact that he's completely overwhelmed with this discovery is painfully obvious. When they make brief eye contact, Zero wishes he could just look away. Fifteen's eyes are glazed over and unfocused as a lone bead of sweat eventually runs down the side of his face. His skin still has an unhealthy pale complexion. 

Then, he quickly fumbles for something in his pocket while stepping behind Zero. Fifteen's disgustingly sweaty hands fidget at his wrists to unlock the handcuffs, but they tremble so much that he can't even do that right. A hushed curse can be heard when he accidentally drops the key.  _ Poor bastard.  _

In spite of Zero not voicing it, he feels awful. A foreign feeling to him. It festers there, right at the pit of his stomach. 

He spaces out for a moment and now he mimics Fifteen's dead stare as he rubs his wrists since the cuffs left some marks. At the same time, his head is struggling to find something to say. It's beyond awkward and discomforting to be faced with someone who clearly remembers you, while you don't remember them. Judging by Fifteen's reaction, they must've been close too. They were basically still  _ kids _ seven years ago, possibly even childhood friends from days long gone. 

_ And Zero remembers none of it. _

"What are you doing to do with me now?", Zero asks after what felt like an millennia of silence. There's many, many more questions burning on his mind– especially how the fuck he found him in the first place… although, he recalls the reason why he's still alive:  **his choice.** Fifteen might as well be just another pawn in  _ their _ little game with him.

The other Null remains silent at Zero's question, albeit not for long. "Well, I can't... I  **_won't_ ** just kick you out.", he says with a heavy sigh weighing into his voice, "We… we're going to talk. Later." A pause.  _ "Maybe tomorrow." _

Almost as if out of caution (and perhaps even what one could call  _ politeness), _ Zero waits with getting up until Fifteen has started to make his way upstairs. He's just close enough to hear him mutter a very exhausted sounding  _ 'I need a drink' _ under his breath.

Yeah, he can relate to that right about now.

Once at the top of the stairs, he carefully closes the basement door behind him. And suddenly, he feels mighty out of place while taking a good look around for the first time. He doesn't know what to think when he looks at the stark white walls of a corridor, minimalistic decoration adorning them  _ (is this what they call modern these days?). _ Zero assumed the other Null took him somewhere more discreet like he would've done it, but no–  _ this is Fifteen's place.  _ **_And what a place it is._ ** A house in the second district is definitely nothing to sneeze at, _ especially  _ compared to his shabby apartment.

Without another word, Fifteen leaves him behind on his way to what might be the kitchen, staggering a bit as he does so. Zero follows again, though still with some distance. When he stands in the doorway, his view is blocked by the opened fridge door, but he can see the bottom of a bottle rise past its top end. After taking a mighty swig from whatever hard liquor Fifteen just found, he slams the fridge shut (likely harder than intended). 

"I really couldn't–" Cue another swig, before letting the bottle sink to his side. "–put a name to your face when I saw you the first time." Fifteen's voice is thick and he seems to struggle with keeping his already shaken composure.  _ It's not hard to notice that he's teary-eyed, too.  _ However, despite all those factors, there's no discernible emotion on his face, creating an eerie dissonance between what's said and his demeanor.

It's silent between them for a while. Zero can't believe he's just silently listening to the emotional ramblings of a guy in the middle of getting drunk. 

Fifteen went from staring him down with his thousand-yard-stare (he knows that from  _ somewhere) _ to leaning against the kitchen counter, one hand still at the bottle while his other begins to wipe at his face downright compulsively. He's already crying.

"Seven years I lived thinkin' you got your brains blown out, but now you're jus'... here." He almost chokes on his words. 

"I thought you wanted to do the talking later.", Zero states while crossing his arms, without thinking much on possible consequences. Fifteen is unstable and might not take well to unintended jabs. However, he **can't** say he _ isn't _ interested in what the other Null has to say. 

"I know what I said.", Fifteen hisses at him, but  with only little bite in his tone, "I just–  **_fuck,_ ** I saw you get shot point blank as a kid." He turns his head just a bit, enough to look at Zero from the corner of his eye, tapping a spot on his forehead absentmindedly. "Went in on the front, went out through the back of your head." 

Zero's seen his fair share of gore throughout his life, but that makes him cringe just a tiny bit. He  **_needs_ ** to look at the scar later. The fact that he never noticed it himself is rather embarrassing, but as already mentioned,  _ he doesn't like looking at himself.  _ At this time, he can't fully wrap his head around the fact that he survived a bullet  _ going through _ his head. Either he's the luckiest fucker in this godforsaken town _ or the unluckiest. _

"Did I really change this much that you couldn't recognize me?", Zero inquiries.

"You look more like you're in your late forties than your early twenties.", Fifteen replies, taking yet another gulp. The bottle is almost empty  _ (granted, _ it was only half full to begin with).  _ "Ya aged horribly." _

**_"Thanks."_** _Ugh,_ actually, scratch looking at the scar again. Though, at the same he can't keep an amused snort to himself.

Fifteen eventually empties his bottle in another swig. The one comforting thing about this is that they're both disastrous, dysfunctional adults who can't deal with their issues in a healthy manner. One might even say it's what Chronos does to you. 

"Sorry t' say this but you also  _ fucking reek _ across the room."

_ "I've seen worse days, if I'm honest." _

"But also  **_better,_ ** ugh.", Fifteen grunts at him, waving a hand in front of his face in a rather childish manner.

After just leaving the empty bottle on the kitchen counter, he slowly begins to stagger towards Zero, who makes way for him, then follows him another time. Though, instead of offering a helping hand (or shoulder), he simply watches the other Null trip and stumble down the hallway towards a door, which he slams into head first during his first attempt to open it. 

"Sounded pretty hollow." Zero  **_really_ ** couldn't hold that one back.

All he gets in return is a quiet and strained  **_'ha-ha'._ **

However, in spite of his state, Fifteen manages to open the door to his bedroom and promptly proceeds to fall into his bed face first, leaving Zero to himself.  _ Huh,  _ that's a straight ten out of ten in his book. Quite surprising that he's so out of it from that bit of alcohol– though, immediately after thinking that, _ he realizes that someone who makes a habit out of getting blackout-drunk isn't one to talk. _

"So, I'm assuming you'll let me use your shower.", Zero says to him, only half expecting any type of response.

"Yeah,", Fifteen begins, though all muffled since he's pressing his face into the sheets, "Suit yourself."

The least Zero can do is lift the other Null's legs so that they're _ on _ the bed instead of dangling  _ off _ it. The almighty Dragon has been slain with the help of a  _ particularly vile _ poison, so the Null can't help but ask, "You gonna to be okay there?"

_ "... I guess." _ Dumb question. "You–"

He expects Fifteen to go on about things that are long in the past again,  _ but there's nothing.  _ In the blink of an eye, reality slips from him. 

By the time he comes to, Zero is sitting on the floor in Fifteen's shower, huddled up. The hot water is downright scalding him. _ A sharp sting pierces his skull, _ right where Fifteen describe the scar to be, forcing Zero to claw at his scalp in the hope that it'll distract him from it. The damage done is likely greater than he expected when he heard of a 'traumatic head injury' in reference to his memory loss. It's called  _ traumatic _ for a reason, apparently.

Never ever in his life before has he regretted just _ blinking.  _ Zero almost passes out another time when the pain finally stops, his ears ringing horribly afterwards. His throat constricts when he attempts to take a deep breath, causing him to gasp loudly at the sensation. He attempts it another time and finds that his chest tightens in addition.  _ Weird. _

A hot shower is usually a good way to calm down, but in this case it has quite the opposite effect: Zero wishes he could just tear away the patch of scarred skin at his scalp–  _ now that Fifteen made him painfully aware of it. _ He doesn't even need to look at it know that it looks awful. Sure,  _ murder is his job (or  _ **_was?),_ ** but this is a whole different thing somehow... although it's hard to understand why he has such an issue with this, even for Zero himself.

As fate would have it, Zero blinks another time and is out for a mere second, before he's faced with his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. When he leans over the sink with one palm supporting his weight at the edge of it, water from his hair drips onto a small stack of fresh clothing that Fifteen likely left for him there. Zero didn't even bother drying himself off yet as it seems. 

Much to his disdain, he has to admit that Fifteen was right– he looks  _ old, _ way older than he should, at that. But that's not what he's breaking this personal taboo for. He mentally readies himself to brush aside the wet hair cladding the other side of his face. His ministrations harbor great hesitation, his fingers even shaking subtly as they comb into his bangs to brush them back. 

However, there's no  _ scar. _

It takes Zero a moment to fully grasp what he sees. There's no scar– just a gaping hole where the bullet went through. In fact, he can see  _ into _ his head– and the gore within. 

He jolts awake, clad in a sweat drenched bathrobe that definitely isn't his. Zero is about to look around and even question where the fuck he is, but then he remembers– _this is Fifteen's couch,_ he has to tell himself. The other Null's spacious living room is dimly lit (lamps with different settings, _how fancy),_ which is technically giving Zero enough light to look at his surroundings… _if he could see properly, that is._ All he can manage to make out are fuzzy outlines and dull colors. **_By god,_** _his head is going to kill him one of these days._

Although caught off guard by yet another migraine (he'll just settle on calling it that for now; has a nicer ring to it than  _ brain hemorrhage), _ Zero notices that his feet are propped up on something soft and  _ warm. _ Mildly confused and disoriented, the Null turns his head to squint at whatever's under his feet. To his surprise, it's _ Fifteen– _ or his lap, to be precise. It seems that his perpetual nightmare mindfuck managed to summon the other Null from his alcohol dungeon. Based on his slow breathing, Zero assumes he's out cold, which is a miracle considering that he keeps throwing fits in his sleep.

With a soft grunt, he lets his head drop against the couch's armrest. One of his legs gives a rather gentle kick against Fifteen's thigh– payback for the punch earlier today (or was it yesterday? a week ago? who knows at this point). He can't stop himself from giving an amused sneer when the other Null groans in his sleep, shifting in his spot. Though, fun aside, he can't deny that he kind of wants to pull his legs away. But as he ponders on what would be the best approach to this, Zero finds himself passing out once more before he can do anything about having legs in a stranger's lap.

Although– Zero can't say it was uncomfortable. It felt vaguely familiar and…  _ comforting, _ even.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoho. i know i said idk when ill update but here it is bc i was thorsty myself 
> 
> disclaimer: no proofreading, please take this in its purest form, feels

"–I haven't heard from her in  _ days." _

Zero grunts when he wakes up to a healthy dose of sunlight right in his face. Life's a bit different when your shit hole of an apartment had two small windows and there's barely any light getting to you to begin with since _there's_ _another apartment complex built_ ** _right_** _next to yours._ Both of his hands are brought up to his face, rubbing at his eyes, as he writhes on Fifteen's couch. He doesn't want to admit it but it's way more comfy than his old one.

And only now he notices properly that he's wearing one of those fancy bathrobes he'd sometimes see in hotel rooms during an assignment– it's white, fluffy and  _ oversized. _ On him, at least.  **_Yep,_ ** _ definitely Fifteen's. _

"Yeah, I get that but–" Fifteen's voice is coming from the hallway, he realizes. Might be arguing with someone on the phone by the sound of it– although it's very hard for Zero to pay attention;  _ he's so fucking tired.  _ Hell, for a moment he thought the other Null was talking  _ to him. _

"No, I don't know what happened– or  **_if_ ** something happened.  **_Dumb-fucking-question._ ** Why  _ else _ would I be worried?" 

He absolutely doesn't sound happy. At this point Zero's interest has officially been piqued. He might even be what one could call  **_wide-awake_ ** for once in his life. 

"I picked up a stray so I got my hands full." A moment of silence follows. "I  **_can't_ ** retrieve her if necessary… but give me the details anyway. I'll tell your buddy so he can do it for me."

The floorboards creak under Fifteen's feet as he seems to start walking up and down the hallway. Albeit a little stiff, Zero manages to sit up and look over the couch's backrest, peering at the doorway. The other Null passes by once, _ then twice, _ his phone pressed tight to his ear with his shoulder as he scribbles something onto a note. 

"I know. I told her it's a bad idea..." Fifteen stops. Cue a loud sigh from him. "–I hope so, too."

Then, the Null returns into Zero's view and freezes in his tracks at the doorway. He's staring right at him with dead eyes. It makes goosebumps spread on his skin. The state he's in says more than enough– pale as a sheet, dark circles, thousand-yard-stare, bloodshot eyes.  _ It's all too familiar to Zero. _

"Yeah, see you later.", he says before hanging up on whoever he spoke to, without taking his eyes off Zero. 

The silence between them is suffocating, in a way that it makes even Zero uneasy. It doesn't help that the other Null looks more like a corpse than a living being. 

"Sorry in case I got too loud." Fifteen's talking to him with a sore throat. By  **god** he sounds fucking awful,  _ like he deep-throated a cheese grater. _ "How are you holding up?"

Zero shrugs at him. "Dunno– haven't been awake long enough to tell… probably still better than you, though."

He only snorts at that, both hands brought up to rub his face, fingers curling into his hair. And so he stands there, leaned against the doorframe for at least a minute. Fifteen's a mere fraction of what Zero expected _ the great Dragon _ to be like. By all means, he isn't disappointed, just… surprised. The Null takes another moment of silence to calm down, but then he eventually regains his composure. For the most part.

"Be right back.", Fifteen murmurs before turning on his heel and disappearing in the corridor. Judging by the sound he's going into his basement. 

In the meantime, Zero sits up as sluggish as one can be, whacking his legs against the coffee table in the process. Well, at least he didn't get any nerve damage out of the withdrawal– he definitely just felt that... even though his grunt comes about three seconds later.  _ Nahhhh, he's fine. _

Once in a sitting position, Zero's head immediately starts swimming and his forehead feels like it's being split in two via a hammer and chisel.  _ Yep, he's fine. Totally. _ A tingling sensation spreads over his limbs, yet he tries to feel for his head, sweat wetting the pads of his fingers. Zero tries to look at the droplets but his eyes are unable to focus on something that's right before them. Are those even his hands? **It doesn't feel like it.** His extremities no longer heed his brain, trembling with every bit of strength their muscles can muster.  **_Everything is okay._ **

_ It's just the withdrawal,  _ he tells himself. He's not outside, not alone.  _ There's no reason to panic. _ In spite of doing his utmost to remain calm, Zero's brain still decides that it's time for an involuntary nap, robbing him of his eyesight for the moment.  _ He's so fucking sick of it. _

It's dark for only a second– which leaves his subconsciousness no time to throw vague scenes from the past at him.  _ Thank-fucking-god. _

Zero's never been this thankful to feel the familiar jab of a needle in his thigh. His vision brightens and clears up from one moment to the other. Out of reflex he brings his hands up to his forehead as if to ensure that there isn't really a hole in his skull. 

_ "You're okay."  _ He never would've expected Fifteen's voice to be so soothing.

The sting lasts longer than he expected so Zero decides to look over, albeit obviously in a Chronos-induced high. Fifteen is holding what seems to be an injection pen, still pressing the tip against a part of his exposed thigh. He didn't even notice that he yanked away a bit of the bathrobe.  _ Withdrawal is scary, _ he knows that now. Zero always saw it as a looming horror, a thing that exists  _ but surely  _ **_won't_ ** _ happen to him, _ and now he is getting to experience the consequences firsthand. 

Once Fifteen withdraws the pen and puts it onto the coffee table, Zero relaxes considerably. His head falls back against the backrest, doing his best to steady his breathing. 

"What's that about doing better than me?", comes the mild jab from the other Null's side. 

He's not one to get all buddy-buddy with someone he barely knows, but this–  _ it's different. _ Zero doesn't remember him, but there gotta be  _ something _ left in his subconsciousness. Otherwise this wouldn't feel so familiar and would make him terribly uncomfortable. Perhaps they've been through something similar before.

"Not so sure anymore." This time Zero is the one who can't help but snort. "My fucking head's killing me."

Fifteen presses his lips into a tight line for a moment as he turns his head to glance at a small digital clock that sits on the coffee table–  _ ten in the morning.  _ Huh, he thought he slept longer than that.

"Do you still like tea?", he asks, "I have to leave but I can make some before I go."

"Sounds good..."

And then, Zero finds himself standing in the dark hallway, facing the front door. 

It's storming outside. The roof is pelted with heavy downpour. It takes a while until the Null realizes that he isn't sitting on the couch anymore.  **_For fuck's sake._ ** This shit didn't happen at all during those seven years after the war, so why is it starting now? There's no way he could find an actual explanation. He wants to scream and cry in frustration like a spoiled kid, but his demeanor is completely devoid of any emotion. The feelings are there, but he's long lost the ability to express them properly. Something prevents him from doing so. 

Chronos slowly eats away at your brain, festers within like cancer. It's a grim truth to live with.

Fifteen's corridor is not the most ideal spot to  _ despair _ comfortably but it's the best Zero can get right now (he might go suffer in the shower again). The rain is good on his nerves, although he's far from being at ease.  _ This is as close to being fine as he'll ever be, _ he thinks to himself. 

His feet begin to carry him around the house like they developed a mind of their own. Wandering about aimlessly  _ does _ take his mind off things a bit, gives him something to do. Much has happened in the past two weeks and he'd rather not think of anything pertaining them, even if he should.

Zero's scar stings again. 

He stands in the living room, his katana and his walkman in hand.  **_Goddamnit._ **

Zero doesn't even know where Fifteen had put both,  _ only that he just found them. _ However instead of getting mad again, the only thing the Null does is give the deepest sigh a human could possibly produce. It's now that he realizes that his life has always been dictated by someone else– Zero feels so terribly empty without that forced guidance. Making conscious decisions was never  _ his task _ to complete; his employer made them and Zero executed the assignment at hand.  _ A terrifying thing to ponder on. _

**He's exhausted,** he finds–  _ but dying isn't an option for a Null. _

 

________

 

"Y'know,  _ this is gettin' old.", _ the golden mask states, its' countenance remaining ever joyful, "He isn't even  _ doing _ anything. **Wanna poke him with a stick?** I already got an idea."

"Enlighten me.", the silver masks reponds, their interest piqued.

**_"The lil' girl, Tragedy."_ **

"The swordsman has chosen to be **a harbinger of death; '** twas one life for another. Doth thou plan on r _ewarding_ **our unfortunate lead** for his vicious deeds, **o dearest Comedy?"**

"Nah,  _ fuck that." _ Comedy is quick to reply. "But a good story has its' ups and downs, y'know? The  **ups** make the  _ downs _ more fun, teehee!"

 

________

 

Zero awakens from his trance, looks around the room in confusion. He could've sworn he just heard someone speak. **_Oh great,_** _is he starting to hear voices at random too?_

However, he's quick to dismiss the sweet nothings his fucked up brain just whispered to him as he sits on the couch, his katana and walkman settled on the coffee table before him. It's all he has left of his old place. A sigh makes his chest heave and he decides to lay down (he's already feeling a bit better from just that). His gaze flicks over to the digital clock on the table–  _ two in the afternoon. _ It's been four hours since Fifteen left. He doesn't remember doing anything since then. Chronos either stretches minutes into days or shortens hours to mere seconds. 

A Null  **should** be in control of that, but it seems he can't even do that right. 

Zero cringes at that. Wow, not only is his shit brain making him hallucinate, it's also insulting him now! He'd rather just curl up and die here. With a last bit of remaining energy, the Null drapes his arm over the armrest of the couch, his hand dangling from it all limp. A minute passes, seconds trickling away at the speed of molasses. His scar is throbbing. Zero's eyes shift to a blister of pills on the table, next to his empty mug that Fifteen had brought him earlier.  _ Ibuprofen, _ he assumes. 

Though, he quickly discards the thought of taking some against his pounding headache– he's already a Chronos junkie; he doesn't need to get addicted to OTC painkillers too. 

And if the headache wasn't enough, _he's terribly, terribly lonely too._ A breathy huff leaves him while he stares out the window, watching the rain hit it relentlessly. Prior to this, staying alone in his apartment was almost like a reward to him but now that he has no assignments to do, all the Null can do is… **vegetate.** _Oh, woe is me._

Zero grunts at the general situation and his own thoughts. Hopefully the  _ 'Chronos with a side of brain damage' _ special knocks him out another time so he doesn't have to bear with his thought processes,  **_god._ ** The Null's hand is still dangling off the armrest and he has no interest in moving at all. 

Well, that changes  **_drastically_ ** when something soft rubs up against it. 

He bolts into a sitting position immediately, scampering toward the other end of the couch in the process. The hairs on his nape stand alert, adrenaline threatening to seep from his pores. Zero's downright about to reach for his katana but  _ feels bad afterwards right away. _

On swift paws, a big cat leaps onto the armrest, its eyes gleaming with curiosity. It's looks (and size– jesus christ, he's glad he doesn't have to clean that litter box) remind him more of a miniature lion than a house cat. They stare at one another for several moments, but then the cat tatters to him.  _ That's one heavy kitty, _ he notices, when the cat's front paws dig into his leg as it does its best to bump its head into his chin. 

Then, the cat proceeds to drag the entire length of its body against him and he notices something– Zero can feel only  _ three paws _ press into his thighs. _ It seems that they've both been through the wringer. _

Loud purring drones in the Null's ears as the cat arches its back against his jaw and gives him a face full of fur with its tail (which looks more like a feather duster if he's honest). It makes him wonder that he never noticed a friendly critter like this one,  _ especially considering that it seems to be absolutely smitten with him. _

In retrospect his blackouts are fucked up as all hell– does Fifteen deal with them too?

Carefully he runs his fingers over the cat's head, earning himself an equally gentle nudge back. It turns once, then twice, in its spot before settling in his lap. Zero can't help but groan at that;  **_goddamn,_ ** _ that's a heavy cat. _ However, he'd gladly stay like this until his legs fall asleep. The Null never really believed in stress relief from petting a cat but he's experiencing it firsthand now. There's just something about hearing it purr as he runs his fingers through its long fur. 

However, just as he's about to really savour the moment for what it is, the cat in his lap raises its head in haste, ears perked up. Before he can even react properly, it jumps off his lap and bolts into the corridor. Zero can hear the key being turned in the front door and the cat immediately breaks into loud yowling. 

An especially loud meow then follows and Zero can hear Fifteen groan in annoyance. Needless to say, the noises on their own have a certain comedic value that makes even the ever stoic Zero crack a tiny, tiny smile. The other Null walks into the living room soon enough, with his giant cat on his arm.  _ It probably jumped at him, jeez. _ He must take good care of it if it's that happy to see him every time he comes back home. 

"Oh, you're still awake.", Fifteen states, gently rocking his cat on his arm like a baby.  _ Fuck, that's adorable. _

Though, his remark causes Zero to tilt his head,  _ "Huh?" _ He doesn't see why he should be sleeping in the afternoon; he's never been a fan of naps. 

"It's in the middle of the night." 

The Null's eyes immediately flick over to the digital clock, glowing downright ominously in the dark. Three in the morning.  **_What the actual fuck._ ** This bullshit is making him question his sanity. 

"How's your head?" 

**_"Fucking awful.",_ ** Zero replies, his voice shaking ever subtly, "I keep blacking out." 

_ The more it happens, the more terrifying of a phenomenon it becomes.  _

There's no recollection about what he did while he was out. Cold sweat builds on his temples and forehead. Prior to this, he didn't give a single shit about the side effects of Chronos or even withdrawal but now that he has nothing to distract him from it, he fully realizes how scary it is.  _ What does he even do during those moments?  _

Zero can't see Fifteen's face in the dark, but it's not hard to guess that he's worried. "Yeah, I– I noticed you're out of it."  **That's the understatement of the fucking century right there.** "It's the withdrawal."

The Null sighs like he's done it _ many, many,  _ **_many_ ** times today (or  _ yesterday, _ rather– fucking hell, he's starting to get confused too). Not only is he plagued by those random mental blanks, he's having some god awful mood swings, too. Either he feels too little (which is his preferred state of being if he's honest) or way too much. Maybe if his shrink had actually been a shrink and did his fucking work right Zero wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit.

"Do you wanna switch spots for tonight?", Fifteen asks after a moment of silence between them (not counting the extremely loud purring of his giant furbeast), "I'unno if the couch's that good on you."

"It's fine.", Zero replies, already moving to lay down, "Better than my old one."

Another excruciatingly long pause until Fifteen says something, "... We could share the couch again– if that's... okay with you.  _ Maybe it'll make you feel better." _

"Don't see why not.", the Null replies without noticing the little changes in the other's voice, either blissfully unaware or willfully ignorant.

He doesn't even get a reply back. Fifteen immediately drops his cat who protests the act by downright screaming bloody murder at him while wobbling after him on its three paws as he leaves the room. Zero can hear him cuss at the cat from a distance, only earning himself almost gut-wrenching meows in response. Poor thing.

Meanwhile the Null decides to get a bit more comfy on the couch, scooting back to the other end of it to put his head on the armrest while he stretches. In spite of this couch being one of those fancy ones with leather, he sleeps really well on it. It doesn't even give him the same pesky back pains his old one would cause him almost every night.

_ "Stinky  _ **_please."_ ** He can hear Fifteen's voice from the hallway. Pfft–  _ Stinky.  _ He'd expect every name under the sun for a cat like that but not  **_Stinky._ **

When he can hear the floorboards creak in the living room, Zero already pulls his legs away for the other Null to take a seat. However, he's not quite prepared for the feeling of a folded fleece blanket being dropped on him before Fifteen already drapes his legs over his lap– he's  _ so _ warm. The Null gives a little grunt as he wraps himself in the blanket to his best abilities.  _ Soft and warm is a terrible combination, _ he finds, because he can already feel himself get sleepy. 

It's weird– _ sleeping works even without his tea now. _

"Hope I'm not too much of a bother." Zero feels like it needed to be said. After all, the fact that Fifteen found him in time borders on a miracle and giving him a place to stay at isn't something to be taken for granted. Even after causing all kinds of havoc in his name, Fifteen just accepts him. 

They  _ were _ close. Best friends, likely. 

_ "Shit, _ I've been saving your ass since we were kids.", Fifteen states, his tone rather somber. 

It's hard to imagine how difficult it must've been for him to see him  _ 'die' _ before his very eyes, especially considering how young they were. It puts things into a perspective that just doesn't get any better–  _ the more he ponders on it, the worse it gets.  _

_ "No way in hell you'd bother me." _

That's such a strange thing to hear; someone gives a shit–  _ about  _ **_him,_ ** out of all people. 

Zero says nothing in return, takes it as what it is.

It gets silent between them, but it's not the suffocating type. It's as if they've known each other for years and in the end that's not far from the truth. The atmosphere manages to help Zero relax for the first time in seven long years.  _ They felt more like seven decades. _ He's not even thirty yet but his body feels like it aged horribly quick since the end of the war. Though, none of that matters right now. He's safe and that's enough to make him forget everything else.

Not for long, sadly.

_ Searing pain pierces him.  _ Zero isn't resting in the same spot any longer, from one second to the other. He's sitting up now, huddled close to Fifteen's side with his head against his shoulder.  _ He'll never get used to this, not in a million years. _ He groans, a hand brought up to press on his forehead in a futile attempt to numb the pain. Zero would  **love** to unscrew his head and set it away to air out if that's what it needs; this is getting fucking unbearable.

_ "Again?", _ Fifteen asks in a downright anxious tone of voice.

Zero groans in pain another time, turning his head to press his face into the other's shoulder in utter desperation. He doesn't know what to do with his head to make the pain stop–  **_that's all he wants._ ** "This bullshit's making me wanna kill myself,  _ ugh." _

"I'll get some harder meds for you later, yeah?", Fifteen attempts to reassure, his voice lowered. Cue a pause, before he whispers all gentle, in a way that one wouldn't expect from  _ this _ Null.  _ "You're gonna be okay, promise. _ The withdrawal shit just takes a while to recover from."

Another wave of pain hits him this time around, forcing him to slump even further against Fifteen. It's as if his nerve ends caught fire for some godforsaken reason. It really feels like there's something trying to break through his skull– **_hell,_ ** he swears he can feel the path of the bullet that took him out years ago through his brain.

The other Null sighs through his nose, carefully putting his arm around Zero to rub his back (he hesitated a bit there,  _ huh). _ "C'mon– I think it's better if you sleep in my bed for tonight after all."

"Don't really feel like sleeping, if I'm honest."  _ He's fine with the couch.  _

Though, the very moment when he blinks and it stays darker for a bit longer than usual Zero already knows that he's screwed.  _ You know what? This might as well happen. _

When the Null comes to, he's not at all surprised to find that he's feeling a bit more comfortable than he did on Fifteen's couch. The blinds are still closed, sunlight shining through thin slits. He's wrapped in a different blanket this time– this one feels heavy, like there's weights in it. Though, he can't complain; it's been a long time since he felt  _ this _ well rested. 

All sluggish, Zero manages to sit up and looks to the other side of the bed right away,  _ over to a still sleeping Fifteen. _ First off,  **_goddamn,_ ** that's a massive bed. There's a fuckton of space between them. And second off, the whole picture in general is quite pitiful to see: the other Null is curled up tight into a ball after having slept without a blanket. He's only wearing a short-sleeved shirt and shorts–  _ jeez, no wonder he's cold. _

Not much thinking is done by Zero when he unwraps himself and crawls over as clumsy as humanly possible in order to just drop the heavy blanket on Fifteen.  **_Of course,_ ** he literally bolts awake from that. After a moment of initial bewilderment, Fifteen allows himself to drop back into his bed once he realizes it's just Zero. However, he's pale and sweating again, eyes unfocused and darting around. 

"It's rainy season. You'll catch something like that.", Zero says, monotone.

"I think… I think that's my smallest problem right now.", Fifteen replies, his voice shaken and weak. 

The Null is responsive but he seems nowhere near conscious, like he's not completely mentally there. This might come close to what he's like when  _ he _ blacks out, Zero suspects. The fact that he still likely replies when spoken to but can't remember anything afterwards only makes the entire thing worse. Without an idea on how to deal with something like this, he can only watch as his newfound friend seems to be trapped in a continuous downwards spiral–  _ so early in the morning. _ But little does Zero know that Fifteen has to deal with this nearly every day, that the sight of his death plagues him  _ even more _ than he lets on. 

Both lost the perpetual coin toss in life like every other Null before them, having given most of their sanity. It's hard to make do with what little they have left of themselves.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took so long but i had so much to write. god
> 
> disclaimer: no proofreading, oc time!!!!, this is an emotional rollercoaster and i got mood whiplash multiple times myself, yes its fucky in multiple ways

"– I haven't heard from her in days."

Zero wakes up to a dose of sunlight right in his face. He grunts as he stretches on Fifteen's couch, reveling in the comfort the oversized bathrobe gives him.

"Yeah, I get that but–" 

The Null rubs his eyes.  _ Ahhh, nothing over a quiet morning, he thinks to himself, not yet grasping the situation at hand.  _

"No, I don't know what happened– or if something happened." 

**Wait a minute.**

_ "Dumb-fucking-question _ . Why else would I be worried?“

This already happened a few hours ago– or has it yet to happen? What if everything he went through recently was merely fabricated by his brain? What if this is just wishful thinking and Fifteen never found him? For all he knows he could be drying out in the dusty ruins of an apartment complex. The more often this happens, the more he feels like he's completely spiraling out of control. The mere concept of Chronos withdrawal becomes scarier each time. He tries to fathom what's going on, but before he can get his thoughts into order, he snaps into reality.

He's back in the bedroom, next to Fifteen. A familiar shade of blue appears in the corner of his view. The other Null gives a soft hiss as he presses the injector pen against his thigh. He's black and blue there.  _ Reminds him of his own arm.  _

"You alright?", Fifteen asks with worry in his tone. It's almost a bit frightening that he manages to see right past Zero's stoic facade, figuring out that there's something wrong just by looking at him. 

"Had a blackout again."

The other Null presses his lips into a tight line, averting his gaze for a moment before giving Zero a look that borders on  _ puppy-like. _ "Want me to get you something?", he asks once more, just as worried as the first time. 

_ "Just some company sounds good." _ Obviously, he's talking about Fifteen. 

_ Technically _ he could play with the cat too, but sometimes nothing beats having another person around (as if he'd know anything about that– he's lived like a goddamn hermit for the fraction of his life he can remember). The other Null looks away to check his alarm clock on the nightstand. There seems to be a short moment of hesitation, but then he eventually puts his injector aside and lies back down.  _ Yes, good.  _

"I got work–", Fifteen states, giving a soft groan as he stretches,  _ "–but that's tonight." _

"...  _ Work, _ huh.", the Null muses absentmindedly. 

_ "It's just what it sounds like.", _ Fifteen says to him with an ever subtle smile on his face. This would seem rather depraved to everyone else,  _ considering what line of work they're talking about. _ "Gotta afford this luxury  _ somehow." _

"I'm assuming you've had more luck with your  **_sponsors_ ** than I did.", Zero sighs as he almost  _ wistfully _ recalls smashing his last employer's skull to gory bits with a paper weight. He's never been one to get up close and personal with gore, always keeping a blade's distance. But he can't remember the last time he felt so liberated by killing someone.  _ There's nothing in the world that could make him feel that way another time. _

"They're all the same brand of greedy in the end." Fifteen's demeanor grows cold. "I can't say I was lucky. The one I had for literal ages worked me to the bone– well,  _ until I had enough." _

"They let you  _ leave?"  _ The disbelief from Zero's side is genuine.

Fifteen snorts at that, giving him an amused look. There's a short pause during which he seemingly waits for Zero to grasp the situation on his own, but after that he eventually speaks to him in a gentle manner, completely unlike his usual tone of voice.  _ "I just killed him." _

Oh, right–  _ the natural response to having a giant asshole for a boss. _

**"But–** he left me with half a fortune, a nice Chronos stash and  **_a fake identity…_ ** all free of charge." Fifteen reaches over to his nightstand, taking a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from one of the drawers. He lights one for himself. "Compared to other Nulls I struck gold."

_ It's been a long time since Zero saw someone  _ **_this_ ** _ satisfied with themselves. _

"No one noticed?" Since this is a great distraction from everything else that's going on, the Null sees no harm in getting a bit deeper into this. All things considered, it is pretty damn impressive to pull that off.  _ Little does Zero know that he's stroking the other's ego– perhaps a little more than he should. _

**"Nope."** Fifteen takes a drag from his cigarette.  _ "We were real alike in many ways– _ to be honest, learning how to fake a signature and sometimes checking back with estranged family members ain't that hard.  **_They still have no fucking idea, even after years."_ **

It's quite the thing to ponder on.  _ Killing a guy and living his life for him. _ It's a deranged and sickening practice, but suitable for the daily happenings in this hellscape of a city. Either you kill what tries to kill you or you end up in a ditch by the side of the road;  _ the obvious choice is at hand.  _ Not to mention that Nulls are pitted against one another in dog fights–  _ with New Mecca as their arena.  _

**Every** method gets a free pass here. 

Zero says nothing in return.  _ Fifteen's way more organized than he could ever dream to be.  _

"Enough about me, though.", he states and then stubs a good half of his cigarette after taking only two drags from it _(what a waste),_ _"How've_ ** _you_** _been living?"_

That question puts Zero before a jumbled mess of memories. He can't recall separate happenings well enough to actually pin them to any point of his life. Straining, he tries to think on the past seven years, but there's absolutely nothing. At least now he knows that he suffered a traumatic brain injury, which would explain the amnesia and his fucked short term memory.

"Dunno.", Zero begins. There's a pause, the silence threatening to smother both. "I'm lucky if I remember what I did an hour ago."

That's enough to bring Fifteen back down from his power trip (or whatever  **that** was), his demeanor growing worried in an instant. "So it's always been  **_that way_ ** since the war?"

"Can't even tell you  _ that _ for sure."

Another pause. The other Null looks devastated, becoming awfully pale once more. "I doubt the Chronos is making it better, huh?", Fifteen thinks out loud.

Zero gives a hum in agreement. "But still better than dying of withdrawal." For a moment he ponders if he should really say the words on his tongue–  _ yeah, fuck it. _ "But it's… it's not bad knowing that someone else has to deal with the same shit–" Yet again, another pause. He notices he has real issues vocalizing this kind of stuff. "–and is willing to help." 

"Nulls gotta stick together after all." The other's expression suddenly grows incredibly tender–  **_wow,_ ** _ is that a genuine smile?  _ "It's no big deal."

It feels like the initial distance between them is ever slowly dwindling– _both figuratively and literally speaking._ Fifteen has shuffled closer to him just slightly; Zero doesn't even notice it. _The sheer mood whiplash,_ however, is becoming apparent even to someone as dense as him. _It's strange_ _but not in a_ ** _bad_** _way._ The Null blinks and notices the all too familiar darkness that lasts just a tiny bit longer than a regular blink. **_Of course._** He's about to throw a mild temper tantrum (internally, at least), but he's kept from pouting at how _terribly unfair_ everything is. 

There's  _ something off _ as he slowly comes to. 

Zero's  _ burning up. _ It's as if someone poured gasoline all over him and put a lighter to it. His fingers are curled into the fabric of something. When the initial numbness leaves him, he notices a warm sensation on his lips along with the familiar taste of nicotine– 

**_Wait._ **

Although initially overwhelmed by the feeling, Zero manages to open his eyes in surprise. Somehow he had expected pretty much everything– just not that  **Fifteen** is  **_kissing_ ** him. Not in the innocent way either. Without making the conscious decision, his eyes flutter shut again as he revels in the moment. He has officially short-circuited _ , but y'know, this might as well happen, too. _ For once he can't complain–  **well,** he  _ would _ like to know how they got to this point, but he ignores that part for now. 

Instead he focuses on their embrace, Fifteen's rough hands framing his face all tender. Zero sighs through his nostrils. He can't tell how long they've been like this, _ but what does that matter anyway? _ If he's lucky the Chronos will stretch this one moment into minutes–  _ which seems to be the case.  _ Everything around him slows, giving him the perfect opportunity to savor this properly. At the same time Zero's mind tries to push him into overthinking, questioning their relationship prior to his head injury another time, but he's too far gone to care.  _ However, _ all good things gotta come to an end. 

_ Cue the continuous buzzing of a mobile phone on a flat surface. _

Fifteen groans against his lips in annoyance. He seems to give his all during the last moment of their kiss, not even giving a shit when their noses bump together. But then, the other Null pulls away. In an instant, Zero feels empty. 

**"For fuck's sake.",** Fifteen growls while he sits up.  _ Yeah, sounds about right.  _

He's on the phone with someone again, but Zero doesn't listen this time. 

**_What the everloving fuck just happened._ ** The Null is at a  **complete** loss for the first time ever–  _ quite fitting for his _ **_first_ ** _ kiss ever…  _ or is it just _ one _ of  **many?** His arms fell off Fifteen's shoulders and back onto the bedding, now curling into his pillow and almost desperately searching for even a fraction of the warmth they just felt.  **Just what in god's name did he say to get the other Null into a mood like that?** He's not really a man of many words (or affections, for that matter) so he can't quite get it into his head.

_"–Th-there's nothing wrong with me.",_ Fifteen suddenly snaps at whoever he's talking to which nets him Zero's attention. "... No, I'm not alone. You–", the Null grunts loudly, teeth bared in a snarl for a short moment likely in response to what he was just told (or maybe _accused_ _of),_ **_"No, I'm not."_**

There's a pause. The other Null seems to be at the verge of completely losing it but it's a bit different this time– Fifteen is deeply embarrassed and close to beet-red in the face. 

"Listen, I'm– I'm kinda busy." Another pause. 

**_"Busy?"_ ** It just breaks out of Zero. He doesn't know why he decided to accentuate that part in the first place. 

What he gets in return is an almost deadly glare– which leads to  **more** blushing immediately after Fifteen notices that prolonged staring isn't  _ nearly _ enough to make Zero waver. Yet again he notes that he expected Fifteen to be a lot different as a person… but there's something deep inside him that welcomes this. Maybe seven years in isolation were enough to make him  _ weak.  _

"Yeah, see you tonight." He sounds so strained and awkward, it's…  _ cute.  _

Zero just stares at him, closely observing his body language and facial expression. The last time the Null saw a color as vibrant as that, it had been spilled blood. It's as if Fifteen brought a new color into the world only by the force of his excessive embarrassment. 

There's a whole minute of awkward silence between them. 

_ "Don't give me that look." _ Fifteen can't even do as much as glance at him. "You're making me regret this."

He doesn't even know how to tell him that he has no fucking idea what they just talked about. Maybe simple is the best approach. "Had a blank again.", Zero says in response, shrugging, "So I'unno what made you do **that."** _Jeez, don't make it sound like a bad thing._

He would've expected Fifteen to go pale like a corpse again, but  **no,** this time around his face only gains a darker shade of red.  **_"What?"_ ** The disbelief in his voice is evident. 

_ Y'know,  _ all these reactions make Zero wonder if he should play with his precognition a bit. Although he's almost scared of using it; he's everything  **_but_ ** stable right now. But then again… it's  **only** five minutes so what's the worst that could happen? 

Zero blinks and there's actually a mild spark of joy in him– it feels like the first time in years that  _ the Chronos time bullshit _ happens because he  **wants** it to, not because his brain decides he needs a nap. Gentle warmth returns to his midst when his fingers curl into Fifteen's shoulders. He sighs through his nose while the other's thumbs caress his cheeks. The fact that he didn't get as far back as he would've liked is lost on him; he rather focuses on the task at hand. But then, Fifteen pulls away, making Zero open his eyes in mild confusion. 

What he sees is an expression of vague disappointment. 

**"That** doesn't work with a Gamma.", Fifteen tells him, his tone heavy.  

_ "Should've guessed." _ They're always several steps ahead after all.

Again, his phone starts to vibrate atop his nightstand. 

Fifteen lets go of his face to push his palms into the bedding for stability, staring the device down. Zero can see the cogs in his head working overtime. Soon enough he directs his attention back to him. 

"You're– okay wit' this, right?" Wow, that question comes early, but he can't blame him. He probably consented when he wasn't quite…  _ there. _ Zero has a habit of saying yes to whatever he's told. However, he's definitely capable of showing Fifteen where to draw the line;  _ he'd let him feel it if he wasn't into it.  _

The Null only hums in agreement.  _ There's a bit of a dopamine high going on, he notices, _ leaving him feeling fuzzy and warm all over. Zero would even dare say that this is better than the high he gets from Chronos– this  **definitely** lasts longer, too. 

Fifteen doesn't waste another thought on his phone.  _ Instead, he continues where they left off.  _

A soft and rather chaste kiss is pressed to his lips. Zero feels like his heart is about to leap from his chest. Fifteen's mobile eventually stops buzzing–  _ thank god for that. _ Zero finally gets to focus on what counts without the pesky noise. He can't remember ever feeling anything similar prior to this... His skin might as well be burning to a crisp– Fifteen's hand resting at the side of his face doesn't help at all. 

Zero's had a lot of  _ first times _ during the couple of days he's stayed at the other Null's place, but this is probably the nicest one by far.

His brows furrow ever slightly when their chaste embrace gets more  _ heated. _ Breaths grow heavier with each additional one. Zero can't keep a soft hum to himself as Fifteen kisses him like that, open-mouthed and needy– _ it's not hard to tell that this has been pent up for a long time. _ Even Zero, oblivious to this whole situation in general, knows there's **something** off. Although that's the last thing on his mind right now. All he can think about is how nice–  _ how  _ **_right–_ ** Fifteen's chapped lips feel on his, how good that mix of expensive cologne and his own scent smell to him. It's as if Zero's every thought process has been consumed by Fifteen. Everything else simply doesn't matter. The fact that the cops are looking for him, his crippling amnesia, the impending Chronos withdrawal– all of those concerns just effectively went out the window. 

That fluttering sensation at his midriff reaches new heights when Fifteen nips and then sucks at his bottom lip. Zero makes what might possibly be the softest noise one could expect to come out of him, his mouth falling open. A gasp breaks from his throat when Fifteen's tongue is pushed into his mouth. Goosebumps spread over his skin. Reflexively, Zero takes a crushing hold of the other's shirt in order to keep him where he needs him right now. His body does its utmost to arch against Fifteen's. 

It's a sudden (and rather unexpected from his side) feeling;  _ Zero craves _ **_warmth._ ** It's one of the many, many things he was missing during his seven years of solitary confinement. 

He wants this to last longer, but much to his disdain he's short on air;  _ he doesn't remember when he started holding his breath. _ In the end he's grateful when Fifteen pulls away from him. To his surprise the other Null then moves to his neck. The sensation of hot breath against his skin causes him to shiver and it only gets worse when Fifteen sucks on that spot. Zero immediately cranes his neck in response to make way for him. He thinks he's had the best of it, but then  _ there's teeth. _ His breath catches audibly in his throat, another shudder shaking him. It's almost too much. Toes curling, he claws at Fifteen's shoulders with knuckles turning white. He thinks the other is finally done– only to feel his tongue being dragged up the entire length of his neck up to his ear lobe. 

"We'll have a talk about what I said  _ another time.",  _ Fifteen whispers to him, pressing a peck to his skin during a pause, "I hope that's okay."

Zero takes a bit until he can form coherent words. Jesus, if he had snapped back into this moment in particular he would've thought he's high on god-knows-what. 

_ "Don't mind at all.",  _ Zero sighs softly, letting his arms fall off Fifteen's shoulders and into the bed.

Eventually, the other Null pulls away from him and when they look at one another, Fifteen seems to be at a loss. But soon enough, his expression softens as he gently caresses his face with a scarred hand– it's  _ so _ warm.

"You really liked that, huh?", he speaks to him, all tender while he gives him an equally soft smile.

_ "Yeah...", _ Zero responds rather absent-minded. A smile of his own graces his features, way more apparent than Fifteen's. It's one of most innocent nature, wide with teeth showing and the skin wrinkled ever slightly at the corners of his eyes.  _ Zero himself didn't even know he could smile like that. _

It causes something to break within Fifteen. 

At once, he gets off him to sit at the edge of the bed, leaving the disheveled mess he's made behind. Both of his hands are brought up to rub at his face, elbows digging into his thighs. The sudden change in mood worries Zero– it's a strange feeling, but he knows it from  **somewhere.** _ Damned be his fucking head. _ There's only a few visceral memories left from last week, such as his  _ 'therapist' _ yelling at him and causing Zero to kill him with a paper weight for it, cleaving his path through countless people that stood in his wake. But even if he can't remember specifics right now, there  **must** be something in his subconsciousness. It'll come back one way or another. Perhaps his mind will be clear when he recovered from the prolonged withdrawal. 

Though, all that isn't important right now, so he discards those thoughts.

Slowly, as if wanting to avoid startling Fifteen, Zero sits up and shuffles closer to him. He has no idea how to comfort him. Emotion and empathy aren't his forte, so he settles with something simple– in an attempt to show silent solidarity, Zero leans against Fifteen's back with his side so that his cheek rests between the other's shoulder blades.

"What's wrong?", he asks after an awfully long moment of silence between them.

"It's just–", Fifteen begins, but it takes another pause for him to continue, "It's so weird to have you back… after I spent the past seven years grieving." Yet another pause. Zero can feel his muscles tense.  _ "... I never really got over you, I guess." _

Zero is oblivious to what those words **really** mean. Again, it's unclear if this is blissful unawareness or willful ignorance. He simply doesn't know enough about social situations to make certain distinctions when it comes to things  **_a mere friend_ ** would and wouldn't say.

"I didn't get to bury you." The pure contempt is clear in his voice.  **_"They didn't let me._ ** Said there was no body, even though I carried you back to camp myself. I… I didn't pay attention for one moment and  _ you were gone." _

He remains silent. The best he can do is listen.

Fifteen seems willing to go on, but is cut off by his own phone buzzing obnoxiously in its spot yet again.  _ Wow, someone's mighty persistent. _ He sighs deeply, but begrudgingly reaches over to take the call anyway. This time around Zero decides to listen properly.

_ "Say, are you ignoring me, Fif?"  _

**_God,_ ** that's a chainsmoker's voice if Zero has ever heard one. He's just close enough to hear it barely and it's enough to make him shrivel up inside.

"I slept in, is all.", Fifteen replies, sounding awfully weary all of a sudden.

_ "Either way, while you were getting your beauty sleep, one of your  _ **_friends_ ** _ asked me to relay something to you.", _ the person says, their voice grating on Zero's ear drums (and he doesn't even have to hear it directly; poor Fifteen),  _ "He got the specifics to Twenty-seven's last assignment and her current whereabouts." _

"Is she alive?!" His demeanor borders on hysteria. Is this about the same person he talked about this morning… or yesterday, rather?

_ "Twenty said he would get Eleven involved.", _ they state,  _ "There is a slim chance that she might be, provided they make it in time." _

The realization slowly but surely sinks in for Zero– there's more of them. More Nulls than Fifteen, himself and… 

**"Oh thank god.",** Fifteen sobs, "Where the fuck is she?"

_ "Bunker. You know which one." _

**_–the Null from the bunker._ **

Zero's blood freezes in his veins. He vaguely recalls fighting her, but everything else is a blur. Did he kill her?  **Most likely.** There was something with a retina scanner. He probably cut off her head to activate it.  _ Oh god, he's nauseous. _ Whereas killing was done without remorse before, Zero can't say that now– apparently. He doesn't understand why, but he feels fucking awful.  _ A functional conscience is the last thing he needs now.  _

Fifteen says something, but it's awfully distorted. Zero's eyes widen. He's utterly confused, but then he realizes–  **Ah, of course.** He's had a few minutes or maybe an hour without his head acting up so it's finally time for  **_that_ ** again. Zero can't tell how long it has been since this bullshit started to get this bad. It might have been only days, but it feels like months already. 

Zero lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. He's no longer wearing the bathrobe– he's wearing actual clothes for once. They're… really baggy on him. It's not hard to put two and two together;  _ Fifteen's too good to him. _ Even his music barely manages to distract him from the dull ache in his skull. It takes him a while to shake that familiar sense of numbness, his muscle fibers all coming to life one by one. One could compare this to sleep paralysis, based on how fucked up it feels.  _ Zero still wonders who or  _ **_what_ ** _ he pissed off to be blessed with such issues. _

Once he can move his arms, he removes his ear buds and turns off his walkman before putting it on Fifteen's nightstand. The digital clock on it reminds him that he's missed yet another day, only snapping back to life at  **_buttfuck o'clock in the morning._ ** It's dark out, the rain relentlessly hitting the windows yet again. Is it even the same day  _ or already tomorrow– or maybe even still yesterday? _ Time doesn't pass in New Mecca quite like it does in other cities (not that he'd know– he never went outside anyway). He sits there in silence for a bit longer, really enjoying the cold air the rain brings with itself. 

Something yanks at the front door, as if someone's desperate to get in. 

Curious, he gets up to stand at the doorframe of the bedroom.  _ Zero's not quite prepared for what's to follow.  _ The door flies open at once and the lights in the corridor flicker on soon after. It's Fifteen– carrying someone in his arms. They're rolled up in a blanket, but Zero can see a tuft of hair stick out at the top of the bundle.  **Red hair.**

"Eleven–", Fifteen begins but is cut off by a sob, his voice ragged and broken. _ It sounds like his throat is completely raw. _ "Eleven,  _ she's so cold." _

"Get her upstairs,  _ quick." _ That's a different voice, one unknown to Zero. But wait,  _ the house has _ **_another_ ** _ floor? _ It's almost a bit embarrassing that he didn't notice yet.

Within the blink of an eye, Fifteen is nowhere to be seen. The sudden thump of his steps in the room above him startle Zero– **_jesus christ,_ ** _ he's fast.  _ However, his gaze quickly falls to the other Null,  _ Eleven, _ who was left behind in the hallway. She's tall  _ as fuck, _ almost Fifteen's size, and has dirt blonde hair that frames her round face. Eleven almost looks too soft to be a veteran– **_heh, feels familiar._ **

_ "I'm not  _ **_that_ ** _ fast.", _ she says to herself and sighs deeply as she makes her way to the stairs– she's limping horribly. The heavy bag she's carrying doesn't seem to help at all.

**_"Eleven!",_ ** comes Fifteen's call, "There's a pulse!"

"I didn't lie to you when I said she's stable.", Eleven calls back while she slowly hobbles up to the second floor,  _ "Jeez, does he  _ **_ever_ ** _ listen to me."  _

Once he's sure Eleven reached the top of the stairs, Zero follows her quietly. The top floor seems vastly empty compared to downstairs. Plain white walls with nothing on them don't make it better. He doesn't seem to use this floor for anything. In the meantime, Eleven limps into a room at the end of the corridor. 

"You think she's going to make it?"

**_"Fifteen.",_ ** she says, this time with something more stern in her soft voice, "I didn't even get to take a proper look at her yet. I can't tell you anything other than _ she's alive." _

"Right-right, sorry." 

With quick, yet quiet steps Zero makes his way over to the doorframe, the floorboards creaking under his weight. At the sound, Eleven turns towards him without any warning. The familiar grey hue of steel glistens in the corner of his eye not a second later.  _ She just threw a fucking hunting knife at him _ and it's stuck in the wood of the doorframe now.  **_Zero can feel his heart in his goddamn throat._ ** Eleven's stare is cold and devoid of all emotion, pierces right through him like he's just made of paper. Perhaps he should've announced his arrival in some way.  _ 'Not that fast' my ass. _

Even Fifteen seems to be at a loss, his gaze flicking back and forth between Eleven and Zero. 

_ "Oh, whoops.  _ I got scared there– I'm sorry." The third Null's expression softens quickly. This borders on 'sleeping with a gun under your pillow' grade paranoia.  _ "Sneaking up on me is  _ **_always_ ** _ a bad idea." _ Her second sentence is muttered under her breath– she seems to talk to herself a lot. 

It's the last thing she says before unpacking her bag– unsurprisingly it's medical equipment. She spreads it out on the bed, which is one of the only things in this room, next to a nightstand with a lamp on it and a closet. With great hesitation, Zero steps into the room and to Fifteen's side. Even though he tried to avoid looking, his gaze eventually falls upon the unraveled bundle, resting on the mattress. 

It  **_is_ ** the Null from the bunker. 

Her eyes are wide open, giving an unblinking stare straight forward– _as if the explosion burned her eyelids off._ Dried blood sticks to most of her form, dark brown staining her uniform. One of her arms is bent unnaturally, her torn sleeve revealing her bruised skin. Her body just seems… fucked up in general, like everything is out of place. Zero is a cold-blooded killer, he knows that, but he never saw himself as the cruel type who makes his victims suffer before killing them– hell, he didn't even get that far with her for some reason. Bitter bile seethes in his stomach in disgust _(at her state– or_ ** _himself?)._** _He should've just killed her._

"I know you're worried about her, but I need space to work efficiently.", Eleven says all of a sudden, "You should rest, Fifteen."

"Is she going to make it?", Fifteen asks again, stubborn and unmoving in his spot. 

"Listen, I'm not a miracle worker. If the withdrawal doesn't kill her, her injuries might. We can only hope for the best." She's able to state things as they are even with Fifteen being as intimidating as he is;  **_Zero greatly respects that._ **

Fifteen doesn't seem to like that answer. All Zero manages to catch is a mere glimpse of his deep frown, and the Null disappears like he did before. When a door downstairs slams shut, Zero reels his head around in bewilderment, only then able to fully grasp that Fifteen isn't even there anymore. **_Jesus-fucking-Christ._** _He's terrifyingly fast, even for a Gamma._

"I'd prefer it if you went downstairs too.", she says without looking at him, "I'll introduce myself… tomorrow, or something."

"Sure.", Zero says, shrugging. He'd get nervous too if someone kept looking over his shoulder during something rather important, so he leaves without a comment– _but he can't help but give the knife in the doorframe a last reverent look on his way out._ **That** would've been a clean rewind if it had hit him. 

As requested, he returns downstairs. The bedroom door is wide open–  _ where'd Fifteen go? _ He sticks his head into the living room, but he's not there either. Bathroom and kitchen are both empty too, so  _ where the fuck– _

_ Ah, the basement. _

There's little to no pondering whether it's a good idea to simply look for him there;  _ Zero just does it… _ although he still opens the door with some hesitation. The awful neon lights illuminate the stairs and he already catches himself squint.  _ Something about those lights just hurts his fucking eyes. _ The stairs creak under his feet as he carefully makes his way down. Zero rounds the corner of the small staircase and is met with a mess right away. Multiple boxes of what might be confidential documents have been opened and papers were scattered over a long table by the wall. Fifteen is hunched over them, seemingly busy. Zero takes a single step forward but then freezes in his tracks.

Saying he's not prepared for the glare Fifteen gives him is more than just an understatement.  _ That's a thousand-yard-stare that rivals his own.  _

Zero doesn't move a single muscle until the other Null looks away eventually, both out of respect and in fear that he might slice him in half for entering without knocking.  _ Nulls are fucking  _ **_weird,_ ** _ all of them. _ Though, something else quickly catches Zero's attention. 

The entire wall before him is plastered in countless notes from the bottom to the top, accompanied by the erratic scribbles of a madman. _He doesn't know what to look at first._ There's familiar names like von Alvensleben, Al-Qasim, Fa Yuan and a short list, which he assumes to be the surviving Nulls Fifteen has managed to find. Twenty-seven, Twenty, Eight, Eleven and… _Noël?_ **Huh.** _He would've never thought there'd be a Null that renamed themself._ Furthermore, there's also several locations listed, some having seemingly random numbers assigned to them on a map of New Mecca. Zero can even see frames of surveillance footage of **_himself_** pinned to certain places. _What the hell._ How the fuck did he not notice this the first time he was down here? 

"What is  _ this?" _ The question just breaks out of him. 

"My research.", Fifteen replies dryly,  _ like it's a normal thing to have an entire conspiracy theory in your basement. _ "There  **must** be something I missed. Someone  **_targeted_ ** Twenty-seven. I'm sure of it."

_ Oh fuck. _ **_Awkward._ **

"I started hunting down  **_everyone_ ** involved with Chronos manufacturing and the Null project ever since the war ended… and now that I'm  _ so _ close to finally putting an end to it,  **_everything goes to shit.",_ ** Fifteen begins to ramble, clearly becoming more and more agitated with every additional word he speaks. 

Zero says nothing. He can't bring himself to respond. One can't even call this  _ being in deep shit _ anymore; the shit's slowly rising to his nostrils at this point.

"Sev  _ always _ works discreetly–  **_there's no way in hell_ ** that it was just a coincidence.", the Null continues. It's becoming apparent that he isn't talking to Zero now and rather to himself. "What the  **fuck** did I miss."

The Null chews on the inside of his cheek. He knows he should tell Fifteen the truth, that it was 'just'  **him** and not some elaborate plot of someone working against him. It would be the right thing.

**_"What. The. Fuck. Did I miss.",_ ** Fifteen repeats under his breath as he compulsively searches and  _ searches _ and  **_searches_ ** in his files and papers, a few of them hitting the floor as he simply drops them or sweeps them off his table. 

Fifteen continues to mutter things under his breath, frantically looking for hints and little details. _It's a sad picture, really._ He's desperately searching for a solid reason as to **why** this happened to Twenty-seven when there isn't really one. It simply happened due to an array of factors and required no planning. The Null desperately tries to make out the bigger picture in between all those possible leads **_when there really is none._** _Shit just happens sometimes._

And yet, even with this gut-wrenching display before him, _ Zero chooses to stay silent about it.  _ Fifteen doesn't  _ need _ to know. Based on Twenty-seven's state and Eleven's assessment, it would surprise him if she even regained consciousness ever again.  _ She's already gone. _ He won't know that it's **his** fault.

The other Null seems to calm down a bit eventually, settling for simply staring at his wall while in deep thought and still muttering seemingly random word fragments. He remembers his shrink's talk about  _ episodes _ and how he wanted to prevent them–  _ this looks like it could fall into the category of such.  _

With that in mind, Zero can't help himself any longer. Albeit sheepish, he shuffles to Fifteen's side and takes hold of the other's sleeve in an equally hesitant manner, giving it a light tug in order to get his attention. His heart downright aches when Fifteen turns his head to look at him. His glance is wide-eyed, glazed over… and overall just **empty,** _painfully so._ He's still mumbling things to himself. _Fuckfuck_ ** _fuck_** _what can he do–_

When Fifteen starts shaking too, Zero finds himself reeling anxiously. He's never had to deal with anything like this himself… or well, he doesn't fucking remember, **_like always._ ** He should've gotten used to this by now but he can't help but feel a tiny spark of anger in the pit of his stomach each time he comes to the conclusion that he went through something but  _ he just fucking forgot.  _ In his bout of exasperation, the Null manages to grip a coherent thought– 

There  _ is _ someone who can help.

Without thinking, he grabs the other Null by the arm and drags him after him up the stairs, which works better than he expected since Fifteen obediently stumbles after him. Once in the hallway, he leaves the other to himself as he's about to storm up to the second floor, but stops in his tracks when he can hear the faucet running in the kitchen. He takes a sharp U-turn and almost bumps into Fifteen in the process, only to then run face first into Eleven.

"Oh, you're still awake,  _ what's wr–", _ she begins, but is cut off by Zero.

**_"Fifteen."_ **

At first, Eleven gives him an inquisitive and confused look, but soon her gaze falls onto Fifteen, who stands in the corridor _ facing the wall _ as he continues talking under his breath. Her reaction is pretty much like Zero's own, eyes widening and quite obviously freaking out internally–  _ just with more composure. _ She takes a deep breath, then gently brushes past him. Carefully, she takes Fifteen's hand to turn him around in a similar manner, one hand around his waist as she guides him into the living room. Zero follows them closely, joining them on the couch. With a point of her finger Eleven instructs him to sit at Fifteen's other side, which he does without further hesitation.

"Fifteen has  _ these _ sometimes.", Eleven begins to explain, speaking in an incredibly soft tone of voice, likely to avoid startling the other Null,  _ "They're as scary to him as they are to us, _ but it's  **vital** to stay calm. They're usually over in a few minutes."

Zero listens and watches attentively when she takes the bunched up blanket from the armrest and puts it around Fifteen's shoulders, wrapping him in it. That's the most he can do right now– simply watch. Hopefully _ this _ won't happen as much in the future; he'd hate to fuck up when  **_this_ ** happens. It's hard for Zero to grasp any coherent thoughts in this situation. There's too much going in his head. 

"The blanket is important because he's going to try hurting himself, especially if you leave him alone.", she continues. Fifteen's shaking ceases noticeably as he's calming slowly, his unintelligible muttering slowly becoming whispered nothings. Eleven then puts an arm around him and caresses him gently while resting her head against his shoulder. She doesn't say anything for a while, the silence between them only interrupted by Fifteen's weakened mumbles.

"This is a rather personal question but… you're going to live with him from now on, right?", Eleven eventually asks.

"I guess so.", Zero responds, albeit with a heavy heart,  _ "... I have nowhere else to go." _

"I think it'd be a good idea to keep this in mind for the next time he has an episode.", she states, still rubbing Fifteen's side. "He just… needs someone to keep an eye on him sometimes. Do you think you can do me that favor?"

Zero throws Fifteen a look to ensure he's still out of it and not listening. Relief bubbles within in when he notices that the other Null still has his unrelenting thousand-yard-stare– and immediately feels bad.  _ He shouldn't be happy about that. _

_ "Of course.", _ Zero replies in the end, his tone weirdly soft compared to his usual inside voice, "It would be... in my interest, too." Why is voicing this mushy bullshit properly so fucking hard?  _ "That he's okay, I mean." _

There's no response. To be honest, it's better that way. Maybe he would end up with a bright red face such as Fifteen's if she had made any kind of snide remark. The whole thing is still weird to think about– they're not exactly friends, but they're not more than that either…  _ yet, at least. _ That's already enough to make Zero's face heat up just a bit.  **_Fuckfuckfuck._ ** Eleven stays a bit longer than he wants her to, much to his disdain. She continues to comfort Fifteen for what seems like hours… 

**_Wait._ **

Zero attempts to move, but he soon finds that every single one of his movements feels like it's being executed in a pot of jello. He can barely lift his arms, not to mention _ his head, _ which feels like it's filled with pure lead. Speaking of his head, that familiar sting pierces his skull yet again, like someone just drove an iron bolt into his brain. _ Zero blinks. _

_ He's back in the basement. _

Fifteen is staring at him, eyes empty and devoid of all light–  **_dead inside out._ ** The look makes his blood freeze in his veins, the hairs on his nape rising.  _ He wants to avert his gaze. _ Zero never had to deal with the side-effects of Chronos; he never had to see what it does to people. He could throw up. Zero wants to stand there and let everything happen as it did before but then, he finds that his body developed a mind of its own and takes a step forward against his will.  _ Or tries to. _

A flash of silver and red. The blade of a katana pierces his right lung, the sensation as visceral and  _ real _ as it gets causing his head to fall forward. Zero gags, blood filling his mouth as he desperately tries to breathe. He has trouble lifting his head, his jaw slack with both spit and blood dripping from his bottom lip.  _ He gazes into Fifteen's rage-filled visage.  _

This **can't** be real. There's no fucking way. Fifteen would never…  **_or would he?_ ** Is this one of the possible paths the encounter in the basement could've taken?  _ Did he maybe die at this point and is now doomed to relive it?  _ Fifteen twists the sword in his bout of rage and Zero can feel his consciousness slip from him. 

Another iron bolt through his head.  _ Another crippling sting from his scar. _ Darkness yet again.  **_Of course it wasn't real._ ** He's about to go insane. However, what throws him off the most is that  _ this time everything is different. _

Zero can feel a warm breeze brush against his skin. 

The loud humming of an engine drones in his ears. When the vehicle that he seems to be on drives over a larger bump, the Null jumps in his spot, eyes eventually fluttering open. He's in the back of…  _ a military jeep. _ Zero looks down his own person in sheer bewilderment, immediately noticing the very obvious lack of muscle mass and the different clothes– he's wearing a green uniform. 

**That** uniform. 

A pair of awkwardly gangly legs rests beside his own. His neck twists to the side so fast that he can hear it crack. At his side sits Fifteen, his head slumped against Zero's shoulder. He doesn't look a day older than fifteen, maybe sixteen at most. Another bump in the road, and he jumps awake too. Fifteen grunts and yawns, his arms stretching above his head, before he looks at Zero. 

"Do you ever sleep?", he says as he rubs one of his eyes, his voice high-pitched and coarse– like it is with teenagers around that age.  **What the fuck.**

No response. 

Fifteen's brows furrow, his lips curling into a small frown. "Are you still mad at me?", he asks as his head slumps against Zero's shoulder another time, gently nuzzling him, "I  _ did _ say sorry lots of times, though…"

_ This is so fucking obscure. _

_ "I'm not.", _ Zero says and his voice is equally high-pitched. They really  **are** kids right now. 

The young Null talks to him, but it's distorted and soon bleeds into blaring white noise.  _ The iron bolt is hammered into his skull another time.  _ **_He wants this to end._ **

Immediately, Zero is back in Fifteen's bedroom,  _ in the current year. _

_ The needle in his arm reminds him that he's alive in the here and now. _ His body is clad in cold sweat, the side of his face equally wet with something else. Zero's feet kick against his will, toes curling into the bed as his legs cramp up uncontrollably. He can't hear nor see properly. 

Another prick of the needle follows. He barely manages to hear himself gurgle and choke on what might be his own spit. His neck cranes as his entire body arches. Zero can feel himself cry out, his vocal cords vibrating in his throat. One of his hands claws into the bed, while his other hand is holding onto something warm and unwavering. 

Another needle. His vision clears and he can hear his own pathetic wheezing, along with familiar voices. 

_ "Eleven, do  _ **_something.",_ ** Fifteen demands, his voice cracking horribly.  _ He's crying, shaking all over.  _

"You  **need** to stay calm.", Eleven says, now with strain audible in her tender voice, "Twenty-seven has had seizures in the past too, remember?  _ It might be the Chronos withdrawal.  _ I  **_can't_ ** do anything about that."

**_Ah, so that's what this is._ ** The more Zero hears about the side and long term effects of Chronos and their varying degrees, the more he craves his well-deserved final rest. Right away, guilt settles in his midriff– he just realized that  **this** is the life Twenty-seven will live in case she wakes up… then again, it seems like it would be nothing new to her.

A few moments pass in which his body slowly uncoils, every muscle fiber relaxing one by one. He swallows the excessive saliva in his mouth and notices the familiar taste of copper– he must've bitten his tongue. Pretty badly, too.  _ Yet another experience in life to add to the ever growing list of things he never wants to go through again, but likely will.  _

"Can you hear me?", Eleven asks him once she notices that he's no longer stiff as a board. Gently she brushes his sweat-drenched hair out of his face, drawing a content sigh from him. 

"Yeah.", Zero replies with a sore throat.  _ He must've screamed his goddamn lungs out.  _

Fifteen sobs in pure joy at the fact that Zero is responsive, holding his hand close to his face with both of his own.  _ So that's what he was holding onto for dear life.  _

"How are you feeling?" 

**"Like shit."**

"You'll be alright in no time, promise.", Eleven tells him and it's hard to believe;  _ it doesn't ever get better.  _

He greatly appreciates it when the Null dabs his face dry with a towel. She's about to move to drying his neck off, but she freezes in her tracks. Her gaze is stuck on his face– his forehead to be specific.  **_His scar._ ** Almost as if in disbelief, Eleven touches it, running her thumb over it tenderly. She takes Zero's head into her hands and turns it to the side with great care, which he allows her to do. He's just so fucking tired; it'd be a surprise if he could even move a single muscle right now, his body awfully limp all of a sudden.

_ "Ah, a bullet scar.", _ Eleven states with a both fascinated and somber undertone. The Null is muttering under her breath, talking to herself once again. He can feel her finger at a spot in the back of his head.  _ "That could be the reason too–"  _

"Can't you let him rest?", Fifteen cuts her off. He's obviously pissed, but it's hard to actually seem angry when you've been bawling your eyes out. 

"You're right, I _ should _ leave him alone for now but I  **need** to check for other possible causes aside from–" 

_ "You can poke him when he's better.", _ Fifteen snaps at her, teeth bared. 

Without further discussion, Eleven removes herself from his bedroom.  _ Just like that. _ Maybe she isn't as tough when it comes to Fifteen as he thought she was.

Then again, she's probably at her breaking point for today– patching up a mauled friend, babysitting  _ his sorry ass _ and then having to deal with Fifteen being as much of a mess as all of them combined is  _ more than enough for one day, _ he would say. He doesn't want to think about what would've happened if he had told Fifteen the truth. Maybe the katana in his chest  **was** a taste of just that after all (it's quite obvious that he's desperately trying to convince himself that he made the right choice). Getting into a fight with Fifteen over what happened only would've made everything worse for Eleven– 

**_Since when_ ** _ does he care about others, not to mention people he barely knows? _

"She's jus'… trying to help.", Zero slurs after gathering a fraction of his strength,  _ "No… no need to get so pissy wit' her." _

**"I know.",** Fifteen sobs in response, finally letting go of his hand to wipe his face with his forearm. He went through a change of clothes, but still has the blanket resting around his shoulders. At least  _ that _ seems like it was real.

With great difficulty, Zero manages to turn onto his side, facing Fifteen.  **_By god,_ ** his muscles are made of pudding. He can barely move his fingers, his attempts to curl them into a fist futile at best. His valiant efforts are unnoticed by Fifteen, who seems to be doing worse and worse by the minute. It takes Zero multiple attempts to pat onto the bed next to him and successfully catch the other Null's attention. 

"Com'… com' 'ere.", Zero says, only now noticing that he has mild issues with speaking. Probably from biting his tongue, he assumes (to be honest, he knows  **nothing** of the things a seizure can do to you). 

However, Fifteen doesn't lay down next to him like he would've expected him to and instead stays put. "I'll wait until you fall asleep.", he tells him, "I don't want to sleep through one of your eps."

While that's a valid reason to stay up a bit longer, Zero can't help but grunt.  _ He kinda needs a hug right now, _ but has no idea how to say it without being outright. He'd be lying if he said there wasn't some hefty amount of hesitation when it comes to being intimate with someone else, especially now that he's acutely aware of his problems– not even counting his aggression and general stance on killing.  _ Zero hasn't seen any bloodshed in a while which led him to mellow out a bit, enough for even himself to notice.  _

But now that he's resting on his side, the Null can feel his eyelids become heavier and heavier. Perhaps knowing that someone is watching over him as he sleeps makes it easier. Before he can grip another thought, he's already out cold.

Well, for like five minutes or so.

"–not asking you to drop everything you've worked yourself to the bone for." 

_ Eleven.  _ Her voice rips him out of his slumber. She doesn't sound too happy, obviously having trouble keeping her voice down for his sake. Zero had turned around in his sleep, now facing the door instead of the window and having his back turned to her– and probably Fifteen.  _ They don't know he's awake. _

"I can't stop, Eleven.", the Null in question responds.

"You **need** a break. Right now.", she decides to push on, "Your dosages keep getting smaller and smaller from what you've described to me,  _ if you even remember to take them. _ Keep going like this and you'll die  **_before_ ** you can finish what you started."

"What if they...  _ make new ones _ while I'm sitting on my ass at home, doing nothing about it?"

_ "Chronos nor Nulls were made in a single week, Fifteen. Two or three days  _ **_don't_ ** _ matter here"  _

Her remark earns her a scoff from the other Null to which she gives a rough sigh. Eleven must be at the end of her wits by now.  _ Fifteen is one stubborn piece of shit, he notes. _

"–Look, I get what you mean, _ I _ **_really_ ** _ do, _ but think about your goal.  _ That's a one way ticket for all of us.  _ That means–"

"Everyone agreed with it.", comes Fifteen's reply. Something incredibly heavy weighs into his tone. "You _ can't _ change my mind about this."

Zero hasn't really had time to think about it himself but… _that's just what Fifteen is trying to do._ **No Chronos means no Nulls.** Their numbers are close to zero after being simply discarded and left to die once they did their part during the war– _no care packages or anything from the government, ever._

**_"Let me finish talking, for fuck's sake.",_ ** Eleven hisses at him. 

There's silence between; Zero can only imagine the angry glares being exchanged.

"Don't you want to spend more time with Zero? This might be the last chance you'll have before we… die." She speaks to him in a tender voice again, seemingly attempting to soothe likely both him and herself. "I don't want to make any assumptions, but I think it would be good for you to get closure." 

It takes Fifteen several moments of pondering until he can say something. 

"I don't think I'll be able to go through with… with  **_everything_ ** I've planned up until this point.", he begins, "Like,  **I want to be with him** **_so bad_ ** but I know I'll just get weak."

_ "In the end it's your burden to bear. _ I'm not going to try and force you into anything, but if I were you I'd make up my mind quick.", Eleven says and Zero can hear the floorboards creak under her as she slowly circles around the bed, hobbling her way to the door.

"Even if you should go back on your decision because of Sev or Zero–" A pause. "–You'll still have my support."

And with that, she leaves.

It's hard for Zero to get everything he just heard into his head. Fifteen is racing against time itself.  _ How weirdly fitting for a Null.  _ He's very well aware that he should be thinking about this whole situation and what he'll even do in these following days...  _ and what might possibly the last weeks of his life. _ As the last surviving Nulls, they're all living their lives like they're on death row–  _ no, they  _ **_are._ ** It's a strange feeling finally knowing what's going on, even for Zero who usually can't even remember the last time he gave a shit.

The bed creaks as Fifteen shifts on the mattress, seemingly moving closer to him. He hesitates, remains stiff in his spot. Zero wants to turn to him or even just say something. He also wants to avoid blowing his cover.  _ That's where the problem lies.  _ However, he soon finds that perhaps he won't have to do anything of his own.

Ever careful, Fifteen settles down behind Zero and scoots close after another moment of hesitation, close enough for his chest to rest against his back. One arm is draped over his side.  _ He's so warm.  _ Zero  **really** has to pull himself together in order to hold back a blissful sigh.  _ Yep, physical contact feels just as nice as it did this morning.  _

Though, he feels confident in the fact that he won't reciprocate any of these affections but when the other Null gently pulls him closer by his waist,  _ Zero simply cannot fucking help himself. _ His own hand comes to rest upon Fifteen's– he can hear him gasp right next to his ear in reaction to that.

His breath is hot against his nape, tickling him. Immediately, his head discards all the awful and worrying things he just had to hear and instead jumps to the questions that matter the most to him–  _ what would it take to get Fifteen to kiss him again? _

"Did I wake you up?", he asks with his voice lowered to a mere whisper. 

Zero can only hum in agreement. He can feel his lips curl into that big dopey smile again– who would've known that he has such strong reactions to dopamine? It's already clear that he's gonna want  **_more_ ** sooner or later.

_ "Sorry." _

The Null suddenly twists in Fifteen's grasp, turning around to face him. There's embers seething right beneath Zero's skin and they're driving him to go after what he seeks most right now–  _ he doesn't want to think.  _ The crushing weight of the current happenings is something he could do without. Zero wishes nothing more than to be a mindless drone once again,  _ executing order after order  _ **_after order._ ** Fifteen can't give him that,  **he knows it,** but he can do  _ something else _ just fine. 

_ "Zero, what–" _

"I don't want to think anymore." He speaks out on impulse. It feels so fucking good to voice it.  _ "Kiss me again."  _

There's a moment of nothing–  _ no response at all. _ Fifteen's hesitation is obvious and considering his talk with Eleven, Zero can't blame him. It's not hard for him to understand his stance on this whole thing–  _ on them–  _ but perhaps it's for the best to leave the overthinking for another day.  _ The here and now counts more than ever, _ now that he's been made aware that they won't be here for much longer.

The very moment Zero can feel Fifteen's lips on his, his arms curl around him with his fingers clawing at his back. He's so light-headed that he might as well be about to pass out. Their kiss turns into something much less innocent than a mere peck _ fast–  _ **way faster** than it did the last time. A calloused hand finds is way under Zero's shirt, short nails raking across his skin. Gentle shudders shake him. All tension slowly bleeds off him– he's sure Fifteen can say the same, too. His breath audibly hitches in his throat when the other Null gives his ass a tight squeeze. The moan that Fifteen earns himself that way is nothing short of wanton and Zero can even hear him curse under his breath in response to it. Before he can even react properly, the other has already pressed him into the bed, now on top of him. Straddling his thigh, to be specific. 

_ Zero can feel a little more on his leg than he's probably supposed to. _

However, very little thought goes into his actions.  _ He's feeling a little curious and adventurous right about now. _ The Null raises his leg against Fifteen's crotch, even carefully moving it. It's enough to interrupt their kiss. Erratic breaths fan across Zero's face. To his surprise, he can feel Fifteen grind back against his leg ever slightly. He props his leg up just a tiny bit more, his thigh growing hot from the friction. Again,  _ there's very little thinking going on right now _ (well, it  **is** what Zero wanted), so he doesn't quite grasp the situation at hand. Not even when Fifteen shudders in his arms. _ Not even when he jolts harsh against his thigh. _

In the matter of a split second, the other Null bolts off him and halfway across the bed. 

**_"Fuck. Oh god."_ ** Fifteen is audibly out of breath all of a sudden.  _ Huh. _

Because of the fact that he has a hunch as to what just happened, Zero touches his pant leg that the other was on just a moment ago. He's actually not surprised at all to find that there's something just slightly wet there.  _ So that's a thing that just happened. _

He's glad that he can just barely see the conveniently placed box of tissues on the nightstand and doesn't hesitate to help himself.  _ Yep, that's gonna need a wash. _ Zero wipes the pants clean to his best abilities and then his fingers, before he dumps the balled up tissues off the bed.

_ "I'm so sorry." _

This certainly isn't how he imagined a night after an awfully long day to go, but to be honest he's had much worse. Maybe Fifteen's going to be in a better mood in the morning after this.

"It's okay.", Zero tries to soothe, but to no avail. 

By the time he's done saying the word 'okay', Fifteen has already bolted out of the room, the door to his bathroom slamming shut. Right away he can hear Eleven bicker from the upper floor. The only thing he can do is lay down again (although he's gotta say he does feel kinda...  _ pent up). _

**That** was more than enough for one day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got busy but also kept writing so look how long this is and please eat it
> 
> disclaimer: theres def gonna be typos somewhere, had to bump up the rating for two reasons: horny in the middle and actual gore in the end

Zero's eyes flutter open. The heavy sensation of Fifteen's blanket is downright smothering him.  _ Huh, _ he doesn't remember falling asleep with it. Right away, he twists around in bed to look around the room–  _ Fifteen didn't come back either.  _

The covers are shoved aside and he notices he's not wearing the pants with  _ Fifteen's little accident  _ on them anymore.  _ That still doesn't seem like it was real _ but the used tissues on the floor tell more of a story than words ever could–  _ and Zero does feel a little…  _ **_strange._ ** However, despite his random bout of whatever that feeling is, he notices the pants in question on the floor soon enough.  _ Is he fucking sleep walking now too? _ Maybe the stains bothered him so much that he just  **had** to do something. His last weeks in life might as well be the weirdest he's ever had– it doesn't matter anymore… well, _ it never really did, _ to be honest.

Ever comfortable in Fifteen's bed, he rolls onto his side, eyes cast at the doorway. Cue a big sigh.  _ He's lonely again. _ He can hear the TV in the living room so Fifteen's definitely home. Eleven might be still here in order to care for Twenty-seven.  _ If only he had the will to get up. _

_ However, his need for some company finds satisfaction faster than he expects.  _ Zero can hear Eleven limp towards the bedroom with heavy steps and soon enough, her ever friendly visage appears by the doorframe.  _ She's always in a good mood, huh? _

_ "Oh, you're awake.", _ Eleven says as she hobbles into the room, holding two boxes of what he assumes to be pills. 

Fifteen **did** mention he wanted to get him stronger meds. She puts them onto the nightstand before getting a chair from behind the door... _and promptly dumps all the dirty laundry on it into a hamper by the closet while grumbling to herself._ She even picks up the pair of stained pants, balls them up and throws them into the hamper too. Seems like she didn't notice the stains. _Thank god._ They're almost a bit like close housemates as it seems– **it's rather endearing.**

"Sorry,  _ had to be done.", _ Eleven says as she comes to sit on the chair by the side of the bed,  _ "He's such a messy person."  _ As per usual, the second sentence is more spoken to  _ herself  _ than to Zero.

The place looks clean to him– then again, he lived in a shithole of an apartment for about seven years without doing a proper spring clean; Zero's just as messy, if not worse.

"How are you feeling today?", she asks him, hands clasped together in her lap. 

_ "Alright." _ It's quite the achievement that he's able to say that. "Still feel kinda weak."

"That's really good, considering the circumstances.", Eleven states as she reaches into the breast pocket of her shirt. 

_ The familiar blue shimmer of Chronos catches Zero's attention in an instant. _

"I'll be helping you with your daily doses until you've recovered from withdrawal properly… if that's alright with you."

Staying at Fifteen's place has been like paradise for a Null.  _ Free Chronos and health care included.  _ Despite not pondering on the whole situation with Fifteen's plan  _ and what comes after _ yet, he already made up his mind. In case the plan is successful–  _ which it likely will be by the looks of it– _ Zero plans on taking things a bit slower until then.  _ This _ is as close to a normal life as he will get to experience.

Carefully, Eleven moves the blanket aside, just enough to expose his arm, and removes the needle cover from the syringe. She doesn't wait long– maybe a few moments– for a reply and ends up seeing his silence as a positive answer. 

She gets it over with quick. Zero can't even feel the needle in his arm, only the ever satisfying high that washes over him when she injects the Chronos. A content sigh leaves him, but soon enough he realizes that the high is no longer as nice as it used to.  _ Not a good sign. _ Either he's going to die soon (and the fact that he feels pretty good is just another one of life's feints) or he needs bigger doses– or maybe he's just exaggerating. Everything is okay… well, under the current circumstances.

Once done with the injection, Eleven puts the cover back onto the syringe and puts it onto the nightstand before she promptly gets to the pills she brought for him. 

"Fifteen asked me to give you something for migraines so I brought you regular painkillers–" She shows him the bigger box of the two. High dosage.  _ That might actually knock him out if he's having his issues again. _ "–And something for migraine attacks." Cue the smaller one being held up. "One of each when you feel like your head's about to pop off."

Zero only hums in response, blinking at her slowly. He'd never openly admit it but it  _ does _ feel nice to be taken care of in such a way. 

"Oh, by the way, would you be comfortable with letting me take a look at your scar again?", Eleven continues shortly after,  _ "Since Fifteen didn't let me." _

"Go for it.", Zero responds and slowly rolls onto his back so she has an easier time checking it out. 

Ever gently and with a tiny bit of hesitation, she combs his bangs back with her fingers. Zero is surprised to discover that it actually feels pretty nice. Her fingers run over the marred skin by the left half of his forehead. He still hasn't seen the scar himself, but considering what happened last time he wanted to do just that, he can die without knowing what the former hole in his head looks like. 

_ "Small caliber. Clean entry.", _ Eleven mumbles to herself.

Then, she carefully tilts his head to the side, fingers immediately finding the spot where the bullet went back out. It's still strange to think about, much like everything else that happened in his life.  **He survived.** What were the odds for that? Judging by the sensation of Eleven's finger circling the edges of the exit wound at the back of his head, it's quite big compared the entry wound. Had the bullet been any bigger, it would've been end of the line for Zero back then. With these thoughts in mind, something begins to stir at the pit of his stomach– he's remembering the gaping hole in his head, _ or the image of it, rather. _ His body tenses, bitter bile threatening to rise into his throat.

No matter how much gore and viscera he's seen in his life,  _ it's a whole different story imagining it on himself. _

"I know I'm just stating the obvious but based on what Fifteen described to me, it's the _substantial brain damage_ _coupled with the influence of Chronos_ that causes your blackouts and amnesia.", Eleven says, as she absent-mindedly scratches his scalp, running her fingers through the mess that is his undone hair. _She's so gentle in her ways that he didn't even notice her undoing it._ "It's hard for me to actually recommend a solid therapy since I'm not a trained professional but… the least I can do is make your life a little more bearable until the end, I would say."

"That's enough for me...", Zero mumbles softly. He can't help but roll his eyes in pure bliss while Eleven keeps combing through his hair. To be quite honest, she doesn't even have to give him meds.  _ This _ is enough too.

But much to his disdain, she stops all too soon after she started.

"I'll give you another dose in around..." Cue a look to the digital clock on the nightstand. "Four hours. Just focus on resting up right now." 

_ Zero doesn't want her to leave yet if he's quite honest with himself. _

"Can you keep doing that?" He's so relaxed he can't even manage to turn his head to look at her while asking.

"Just a bit longer.", Eleven responds and continues where she left off,  _ "I need to take care of Sev, too." _

Oh, right.  **That** was a thing.

"How's she doing...", Zero manages to slur, even though his brain has been effectively reduced to mush. He'd feel bad again if she wasn't soothing him like this.

"She's…  _ stable." _ He doesn't like that pause. "For the most part, at least. Late stage withdrawal is a serious condition, especially with her injuries... However, the chances of recovery are high if treated properly.  _ I don't want to bore you with unnecessary details,  _ so I'll leave it at that."

The whole withdrawal thing  **does** interest him. Not the symptoms, but the many  _ whys _ and  _ hows _ behind it. It seems like Eleven would have the answers to these questions, after having worked with Nulls for what seems to be a long time. He wants to know more about her as a person, too.  _ But it's hard to form coherent sentences when someone's playing with your hair. _

There's a moment of comfortable silence between them. 

Eleven scratches his scalp near the scar another time, causing him to shiver subtly at her ministrations. Zero can't help but give a soft hum, eyes fluttering shut. _ It just feels  _ **_really_ ** _ nice. _ Honestly, she could be doing this for another two hours or so and he wouldn't get tired of it. But sadly, she stops again. 

"I can get Fifteen so he can continue in my stead, if you'd like.", Eleven tells him, an ever soft giggle coming from her. 

Zero ponders on it for a moment.  _ It does sound like a good idea. _ His head turns to her, slow and sluggish as can be, before he replies to her,  _ "Only if he's not busy." _

Another giggle from her side. "He's  **always** busy.", she retorts, "Maybe you're enough reason for him to take a break." 

"Worth a try.", Zero shrugs and then stretches under the covers. Man, he never really saw himself as a lazy person, but he might just start now.  _ Fifteen's bed has no business being this comfortable. _

All tension slips from him and,  **_much to his dismay,_ ** so does his grip on reality. Zero just hopes it's one of the regular blackouts  **_without_ ** a side of literal war flashback. It doesn't hurt this time nor is it sudden–  _ like he simply took a nap and is slowly waking up.  _

The first thing he hears is a rapid heartbeat thumping right next to his ear. As Zero's eyes flutter open he notices that his head is resting on… **Fifteen's chest.** He missed ten, maybe twenty minutes at most; _he's slowly getting the hang of making rough estimates._ As his other senses slowly return to him, he can feel Fifteen's fingers comb through his hair and caress his back. A gentle shiver runs through him, a sigh leaving him. _It actually feels even better when_ ** _he_** _does it instead of Eleven._ **_Weird._**

"–what I exactly said, but…" Zero doesn't catch the first bit of Fifteen's sentence and the other Null also trails off for a moment there in addition, taking an awfully long break. "... There's not really that much to say anyway."

"I'm listening.", he replies, undoubtedly sleepy.  _ Oh that's right. _ Zero vaguely remembers Fifteen wanting to tell him about what he said to him during his blackout at another point. 

Another lengthy pause. It sounds like Fifteen's heart is about to leap from his chest. 

"I… really don't know how to say it." Cue an awkward chortle. "I guess I never thought I'd get to tell you face to face."

"Take your time. I don't mind waiting.", Zero says in a soft tone of voice– he can actually hear Fifteen's heart skip a beat at that. Being the absolutely oblivious airhead that he is, Zero has not even a hunch as to what the other Null wants to tell him, so he simply waits on it. 

His heart rate only seems to rise even further when he gently presses Zero to his chest, both arms wrapped around him. This time, the ever charismatic Fifteen is the one burning up. 

"It's okay.", Zero attempts to soothe, patting his arm in order to reassure him further, "I can live with not knowing what's up." He might be oblivious but at least he's self-aware. Zero doesn't know a lot of things if he's honest with himself. 

"I  **have** to say it.", Fifteen states firmly, "I don't know how much more time we have left."

It's that feeling of impending doom again. Zero notes that he dislikes thinking about it. It makes him light-headed, downright sick to his stomach. But first and foremost, he dislikes that Fifteen is **right.** _They'll be dead soon._ It doesn't matter if it's mere days, weeks _or even months,_ because time is simply meaningless with Chronos. Von Alvensleben called Nulls _gods of time and_ ** _war,_** but it couldn't be further from the truth. If anything, the side effects make Zero feel like he's not in control at all. _Perhaps a failed experiment is all what they are in the end._

He remains silent, gives FIfteen time to ponder on his next words properly.  _ All the negativity aside,  _ Zero's gotta admit that he's in a comfortable spot right now. The other Null is surprisingly soft and warm.

"I've...", Fifteen begins, but then promptly trails off. Yet another pause. Is it really  **that** bad?  _ "I've had a crush on you since we were kids." _

**Oh.**

"You never noticed it." His breath audibly hitches in his throat.  _ "And still don't, apparently." _

Fifteen has this despicable habit of being right when Zero least wants him to be. He has yet to think more about this...  _ whole thing _ with him past the fact that it feels nice. After spending most of his life killing others, the Null can't say he can fully grasp the concept of love– not to mention return it.  _ Zero is still blissfully unaware that he's technically already doing so. _

**"Please** say something.", Fifteen downright begs. His voice is no more than a broken afterimage of what it usually is.

"I don't know what you want me to say.", Zero replies without thinking. 

_ Fifteen really doesn't like that at all. _ Maybe,  _ just maybe _ he should start thinking before he speaks. From one moment to the other they're both sitting, the other Null's hands tightly gripping his shoulders, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. Zero wants to look away. He doesn't like seeing Fifteen upset to the point of tears. But instead of comforting him or even trying to dry his eyes, Zero's first instinct is to turn away.  _ He's bad at this. _

"This isn't about what  **_I_ ** want to hear." Cue the first tears making their way down Fifteen's face. "How do  **_you_ ** feel?" 

 Zero always wondered about what it was that he kept pent up for so long– seems like he found his answer.

_ But yes,  _ **_how_ ** _ does he feel? _ Zero can't fucking tell that himself at this point. He surely doesn't have the vocabulary nor the emotional capacity to express his feelings properly. The fear of saying the wrong thing is ever prominent and this time it seems like it actually matters. He  _ does _ have his precognition, but what if Fifteen finds out again?  **_It's not an option._ ** They've kissed and everything, yet all Zero's brain can manage to spit out is ' _ it feels nice';  _ he highly doubts that's going to make Fifteen feel better. 

_ "How do  _ **_you_ ** _ feel?", _ he repeats, desperately awaiting an answer. 

It's hard to form coherent phrases that don't sound like a preschooler said them– Zero simply isn't an emotional person.  _ Not anymore, that is. _

"I– I'm not good with this. I don't know how to say it.", Zero states, his voice lowered. There's a certain hint of shame to his words. He wishes he could actually voice what he feels. "... Sorry."

"I managed to wait seven years for you; a few more minutes or hours are nothing in comparison.", Fifteen replies while sniffling, an ever small smile gracing his features. He didn't fuck everything up as it seems. 

"You did your waiting.", Zero replies, gently taking Fifteen's hands off his shoulders and holding them in his lap. 

What is he supposed to say? It's clear, Zero has an awful habit of putting the things someone wants him to do or say before his own well-being, after years of having his existence dictated by someone else. His needs simply were not important–  _ until now, that is. _ Zero still hasn't fully realized that he finally gets to make his own decisions. 

"I…", Zero begins but trails off. For once, there's something emotional in that stoic demeanor of his– he can't help but frown at himself, seemingly much to Fifteen's surprise. 

"Listen, I-I shouldn't have tried to force… a reaction or something like that.", the other Null tells him, suddenly meek and almost a bit embarrassed at his own outburst, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm just… well, you know. _One foot in the grave n' all._ ** _Both of us._** I–" Cue a deep breath and another sniffle. **"–I need closure.** I don't wanna die without having said anything."

"I get that.", Zero states, gently caressing Fifteen's hands. The skin is marred and rough, countless little scars lining it. There's certain scars that not even time can heal as it seems, he finds.

He gives the other Null a short pause as he dries his eyes with the fabric of his shirt. Zero isn't expressive nor emotional at all while in turn Fifteen seems to have some kind of fucking emotion roulette going on. They're both fucked in the head in their own way–  _ one burdened with too much, one with nothing left.  _

Zero wishes nothing more than to comfort him and it's certainly not what he would expect when people speak of altruism; it's something stronger–  _ more intense–  _ than that. Though it's not just that alone. Fifteen's presence calms him. Zero simply enjoys being around him, but he also wants him to be…  _ even closer, _ as if what they have right now isn't enough. How does one put this into words? Zero's just going to have to take the leap of faith and try it. 

"I really don't know… how to word it.", he tells Fifteen. 

This time, the other Null replies nothing and simply waits. Neither of them speaks for a few moments, during which be attempts to gather his words and courage to speak openly about how he feels.  _ Well, here goes nothing. _

_ "I like being close to you.", _ Zero says and eventually has to avert his gaze, "And I don't remember… feeling that way around someone else, ever." That's quite the achievement. Zero doesn't remember even simply  _ liking _ other people prior to his stay at Fifteen's. 

Cue another pause. 

_ "I like kissing you, too." _ Now he starts fidgeting with the other's hands in his lap.  **_"A lot,_ ** at that."

The most he knows of romantic situations is what he saw from shitty romcoms he caught a glimpse of while switching between TV channels. Zero kinda wishes he had paid more attention because he'd at least somewhat of a hunch of what to say. Although, none of that is necessary. 

It seems that the other Null has been fighting with his self control  _ big time, _ because the very moment Zero turns his head to look at him properly again, Fifteen presses a tender peck to his lips. Both of his hands are brought up to caress his face, carefully framing it. Their kiss is chaste and (for once) it stays that way, leaving Zero to revel in the warmth they share. When Fifteen decides it's enough, there's no protest nor an attempt to kiss him again from Zero's side. The last thing he wants to do is ruin the moment by being unnecessarily needy. However, Fifteen only breaks their kiss. They remain close, their foreheads touching. His heart is beating so fast that he might as well be going into cardiac arrest. 

"I know this is sudden, but..." He pauses, jaw clenching. _"I wanna be with you."_

Sure, he's heard him say that to Eleven while they thought he was asleep, but hearing Fifteen admit that face to face is different. Zero can feel his heartbeat in his throat. 

"We're moving through the whole relationship thing real fast,  **I know** . It's… well, you already know why, but–  _ that's not what I wanna say." _ His speech becomes erratic. Zero can tell he's trembling just a bit. "I just… I wanna make the best of my last few weeks.  **_I want to feel normal for once."_ **

Those words hit him like a freight train. One can't blame Fifteen for wanting what has been taken from him–  _ all of them– _ at a young age. 

"I suck at this, but I'll do my best–  _ to make you happy.", _ Zero says with his voice lowered to a rough whisper. 

Cue a soft chortle from Fifteen. "You don't even have to try.", he says and then pulls Zero into a tight hug. He pauses another time before sighing deeply.  _ "You know, you're the best thing that happened to me in a long time." _

Zero buries his face in Fifteen's shoulder, his arms settling around him. It's hard to describe how he feels, trapped somewhere between euphoria and…  _ depression. _ It's nice to express oneself, but he can't stop thinking about  **why** they're doing this. Deep down, something buds within Zero, something he isn't be able to put a name to just yet. One emotion breeds another depending on the circumstances, he finds. 

In spite of that foreign sensation at the pit of his stomach, Zero wants this to last. 

"Fifteen–", comes Eleven's voice, followed by a knock on the bedroom door. They must've closed it earlier to have some privacy. Without waiting, Eleven opens the door by a crack, just enough to poke her head in. "... I can see it's not a good moment to intrude on but  _ Noël is here. _ He wants to talk to you."

**_Of course._ ** If it's not his fucking blackouts it's something else that ruins his mood. 

_ "Does he have someone over again, Eleven?"  _ Cue a mild jab from the living room. 

Zero actually cringes. He's heard that goddamn voice before–  _ the phone call Fifteen had yesterday _ . It's even worse hearing it normally: deep and scratchy like the guy smokes ten packs a day. The sound of it alone makes him nauseous for some reason. 

Eleven doesn't reply and simply rolls her eyes before disappearing from their field of view again. 

Fifteen only seems to hold him tighter in his grasp after being told about Noël, giving him a last squeeze before letting go…  _ and leaving Zero feeling a tad touch-starved.  _ However, the other Null still has time for a small peck to Zero's lips before he completely draws away and leaves the room without another word. 

And thus, he sits there on his own– at least until his body decides to heed his brain's curiosity. With great caution, he sneaks into the hallway, skillfully avoiding the creaky planks in the floor.  _ With the help of his precog, that is. _ He stays close to the wall by the doorframe, no qualms about eavesdropping at all. 

"What's up.", he hears Fifteen say but it sounds nowhere near like a question and more like a command. 

"I have work for you, Fif.", Noël states. His voice is driving Zero insane. _ "And the according compensation  _ **_upfront."_ ** __

The man's words are followed by the distinct sound of a suit case being opened.

"Batch number forty-five. Be sure to share with Eleven and Twenty." And if the voice wasn't awful enough Zero absolutely despises the way he talks. "There's not much left in the vault."

"I know, I've seen it myself.", Fifteen responds, again with that somber tone of his. "But this is more than enough. Thank you."

"You know what I want in return– Today would be an excellent opportunity to get it done."

"But Eleven s–", the Null says, but is cut off immediately. 

"We are  **_not_ ** having this discussion.", Noël grunts at him, "I'm aware of what she said. You already know my stance on this. If you'd like to sit down and wait for history to repeat itself, then so be it–  _ or, you know, you could ask your friend for help."  _

There's a pause. Fifteen seems to be in utter disbelief for a moment before he speaks again, this time audibly distraught,  **_"Noël,_ ** Sev is on her last legs, she–" 

_ "Not Sev. _ I'm talking about the one listening to us."

It takes him a while to realize that Noël's talking about him. Judging on the silence that follows, Fifteen has the same problem understanding what he means. Zero isn't even going to try to question how the fuck that dude can tell that he's there. He shouldn't know. Zero used his precognition.  _ He can't know. _ But now that he inexplicably blew his cover, the Null has to show himself. 

With great hesitation Zero steps into the doorway in all his pants-less glory (maybe he should've done something about that, but then again he's still wearing underwear; that's  **gotta** be enough). Immediately his gaze flies to Noël, who's sitting on the couch without looking at him, lit cigarette in hand and feet on the coffee table–  _ with fucking combat boots. _ The guy looks every bit as shabby as he sounds: greasy dark brown hair, sickly pale skin, vaguely blue lips, skinny as hell. He hasn't gotten any closer to him yet, but just by looks alone he can tell that Noël must smell like a full ashtray.  _ Not to mention that he straight up looks like a goddamn corpse.  _ If he were to take a nap in a ditch people would just think he's dead.

But then, he looks at Fifteen, who just looks tired more than anything. Arms crossed, the Null simply stands there, seemingly dormant. It's at a point where Zero can't even tell apart the emotions on his face anymore. Devoid of anything, yet everything at once– at the same time.

**"Identification.",** Noël speaks to him, his tone weirdly clear for someone with late stage smoker's lung.

_ "Zero." _ It's spoken without his volition. He felt downright  **compelled** to reply.

That nets him Noël's attention. "Interesting. I have never met a Null with that identification number.  **One of a kind,** I would suspect."

God, he wishes he could just look away. _ Something _ about Noël makes Zero  **so** fucking uncomfortable.

There's silence for a split moment, before the realization slowly kicks in for Fifteen, "Wait, you want me to… send him?" 

"In the end, I just want it done.", comes the rough response, "I would prefer  **your** expertise, but if you'd rather play house with Eleven, I won't stop you."

"Zero is just as unstable as I am." He's never seen Fifteen frown like this before; Noël would be a dead man if he wasn't supplying him with work and Chronos alike, no doubt about it. Maybe he's not as independent as he made it seem.

"Will you accompany him, then?" Noël takes a long drag from his cigarette, a subtle and yet noticeable grin curling his lips. _ "You wouldn't want your–  _ **_friend_ ** _ to get hurt, right? _ It should also be taken into consideration that two of us can get more done than just one." 

**"Fine,** for fuck's sake.", Fifteen replies not too long after, visibly pissed off. Well, that didn't take long. "Just… just give m–" 

Darkness, joined by silence. 

_ Yup.  _ **_Next blackout._ **

Zero can't believe he's actually glad that he didn't have to sit through Noël's very own circle jerk; the guy probably  **loves** hearing himself speak.  _ Disgusting. _ There's  **very** few people the Null has met that managed to make him feel this way. 

The sensation of cold air hitting his face wakes him up from his trance. Zero has to blink a few times before he's able to take note of his surroundings properly: the interior of Fifteen's car, but viewed from the passenger seat this time. _Wow,_ ** _progress._** Though, Zero takes the most comfort in seeing the familiar scenery outside– the third district looks pretty much the same at _any_ spot, every part of it identical degrees of filthy and gross, but that's all he's known for the past years. If he's honest, he prefers it to the rather sterile looking second district (although he hasn't even looked around Fifteen's neighbourhood yet). Soon enough the stacks become more scattered, leaving a few abandoned apartment complexes for each street. Now that he thinks about it, it seems **familiar.**

_ It's where Fifteen picked him up. _

"Blackout over?", comes Fifteen's voice from the side all of a sudden, managing to surprise Zero.

_ "My nap too.", _ he grunts in response as stretches in his seat as much as the leg room lets him, which is a whole fucking lot.  _ Big man means  _ **_big_ ** _ car, _ he notes.

"Well, 'least I can tell when you're having an ep now.", the other Null huffs with an almost bittersweet undertone but then promptly continues, "Check the glovebox. I brought your migraine meds, in case you need 'em right now." 

Just when Fifteen mentions it, Zero can feel that hot iron bolt pierce his head. The pain leaves him incapitated for several excruciatingly long moments, a tingling sensation befalling his finger tips.  _ Yeah, he doesn't need a medical degree to know that that isn't a good sign. _ Despite being severely disoriented he somehow manages to fight through it, getting his hands on the box of pills from the glove compartment. With haste he pops one into his mouth, quickly earning himself a disgruntled noise from Fifteen,

**_"Water."_ **

They've just reached the **peak** of all verbal communication:  _ single word commands.  _

Zero looks around on the floor in the legroom, even reaching underneath his seat where he finally gets hold of the aforementioned water bottle. He drinks from it with greed in mind, suddenly feeling horribly parched.  **Christ,** he can't remember the last time he drank something aside from the tea Fifteen made for him–  _ how many days ago? _ He should stop making time estimates. It's no use either way.

Right after swallowing the pill, Zero feels better;  _ long live the placebo effect.  _

He sinks into his fancy leather seat, his chest heaving as he sighs deeply. His head rolls to the side, as sluggish as he can possibly be, to look at Fifteen, who's probably the most concentrated driver Zero has ever seen. There's shades in the way, but he doesn't need to see his eyes to be able to tell that the other Null's still pissed off because of Noël.  _ He's gotta do something about that. _

"Where are we going?", Zero asks and a second question follows right away, albeit with a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, _ "Are you  _ **_really_ ** _ running off with me right after confessing?" _

It's  _ downright  _ **_adorable_ ** to see Fifteen make a serious attempt at staying pissed off at everyone and everything, but ultimately being unable to keep himself from cracking a subtle smile  _ and even laughing. _

_ "Shit, I  _ **_wish.",_ ** he replies in a soft tone of voice, "But nah, Noël is sending us  _ out." _

That causes Zero to perk up.  _ "Out?" _

**"Yep.** Right into buttfuck nowhere."

It takes the Null a while until he manages to put two and two together. To be fair, he should've noticed that the mountain range around New Mecca has been looking a bit…  _ bigger and closer _ than usual. The hairs on his nape rise– he's going to see what's beyond the mountains. What's outside the city had  _ always _ interested Zero. Childish excitement bubbles at his midst; he's tempted to bounce in his seat.  _ What's it going to look like? _ It'd be quite a change of scenery if the surrounding terrain had lush flora.  _ It feels like fucking ages since the last time he's seen a tree. _ However,  _ the thin stripe of nothing _ at the foot of the mountains doesn't really instill one with hope; all there is are a few scattered tufts of dried grass on sandy sediment. They drive up a rather steep slope–  _ almost too steep to be considered safe– _ as they're headed towards a wide tunnel, dug through the red rock of New Mecca's natural defense wall. 

It's so long that one can't even see the light at the end of it.  _ Fucking hell. _

Fifteen sighs as he leans back into his seat, likely mentally preparing himself for the long drive ahead. It seems that he's already used to  _ 'going outside', _ hence why he isn't anywhere as thrilled as Zero. Once a few meters into the seemingly endless underpass, Fifteen takes off his shades to hang them over the rear mirror and then turns off the AC before rolling down the windows– with the press of a button.  **Fancy.** The most luxury Zero got to experience in life was… hm, he can't really remember anything that would come close to this. Maybe he had gotten the one taste of a luxurious life style in his lifetime when he entered the penthouse of the Murdower Hotel.  _ Yeah, that just about sums it up.  _

One would expect it to be bitterly cold within the tunnel, but there's a draft of hot air rousing Zero's hair. It's like staring directly into a hair dryer. Though, he has to admit that he prefers that to cold air. In an attempt to get a little more comfy, Zero uses the edge of the car door as arm rest and then makes a valiant attempt to rest his head on his forearm, but the seatbelt effectively restrains him.  _ Meh, safety first. _

But then, the buckle of his seatbelt clicks. 

Attentive, Zero looks over to Fifteen who had reached over to unbuckle it for him, eyes still on the road ahead.

_ "There's no one else here.", _ he tells him, "Doubt I'm gonna crash into  **rocks."**

He  **is** right about that. 

Without thinking on it further, Zero gets his seatbelt off himself– and notices that he's wearing different clothes. Well, it wouldn't be appropriate for a job in their expertise to be wearing just a shirt and underwear. Needless to say, Zero's feeling mighty fancy wearing a black blazer over a plain white shirt and dress pants to match.

"Aren't you getting sick of having to dress me?", Zero questions, although only half serious.

_"At least now I have someone who can wear my clothes from a few years ago._ I just don't fit into 'em anymore.", Fifteen replies, giving an amused huff, "Also, even if you're not really ** _there_** during your blackouts, you can still do most things on your own. Kinda."

As the other Null speaks, Zero returns to resting against the car door, his head almost sticking past the window. If he's quite honest, he does feel the need to stick his head out of the window like a dog. He  _ really _ missed out on the simple pleasures in life during his employment. Absent-mindedly he runs a hand through his hair, perhaps in a sad attempt to imitate the feeling of someone playing with it.  _ Fifteen's busy driving so he's gotta do it himself. _

"By the way, how's your head?"

The question makes the Null actually listen to his body for once and much to his surprise he finds that he feels…  _ pretty good. _ Usually after surviving one of his blackouts he just felt  _ exhausted, _ plain and simple– but right now he can say that he's actually  _ functional _ as a person (and he feels like one, too and not some wreck on two legs). Despite the fact that Eleven denied that she's a trained professional,  _ he's gotta admit she  _ **_does_ ** _ know how to treat rabid junkies; _ he'd take her over every corrupt doctor in New Mecca.

"Good.", comes the short answer.

Cue a sigh of relief.  _ "Thank god." _

Zero gives Fifteen only an inquisitive grunt to work with– he already noticed earlier that they seemingly got to the point where single word commands and guttural noises can be interpreted correctly so he's about to put that hypothesis to the test.

"I had a bit of an… disagreement. _ With Eleven.", _ Fifteen states, "She really didn't like Noël's idea with the two of us going on the job together so–  **she pretty much tore us a new one.** Said we were both too unstable for the whole thing. She'd kick my ass if something happened while we're out."

"She's probably right, though. I don't see her as someone who says things like that without reason."

_"Oh come the fuck on,_ not **you** too.", he scoffs at Zero, "How can you expect me to just– drop everything so I can sit on my ass all day?"

_ It's a sad picture, really. _ Fifteen seems to be perpetually stuck between taking care of himself and finishing what he started. Zero can't tell if he's being incredibly selfish or  _ selfless  _ for pushing himself in such a manner. Though, even  _ this particularly dense Null _ knows that he shouldn't attempt to divide such a complex situation into blacks and whites. All he wants is to support Fifteen until the bitter end, but even that is  **hard** when taking into account what type of person the other Null is. It wouldn't surprise Zero if he actually felt  _ guilty _ for even considering to take a quick break for his own good. Thinking back on how Noël treated him,  _ he definitely has a hand in that, too. _

"I don't know." He really doesn't know what to say to keep Fifteen from killing himself with his obsession. Zero lets his head sink against his arm, his cheek pressing against it. They're all on their last legs. It's no use beating yourself up when you're faced with some  _ Final Destination bullshit _ like this. 

There's silence between them for a while, but then the Null manages to voice some of the things on his mind. 

"Y'know, I spent my years after the war with… doing what I'm told. _Executing._ **I always thought I'm just not made for living my own life,** but… _you_ made me question that mindset." Cue a short pause. Fifteen isn't reacting. "I'm not asking you to stop. Taking things slower might be a good start. It's just, I– _I want to feel normal, too._ ** _With you."_**

Still nothing.

"I think if– if you've got things straightened out with yourself, it'd make everything easier." Zero's brows furrow and his voice grows heavier with each additional word. "Dying happy sounds like a good deal for us after what we've been through."

_ "You have no idea what you're doing to me.",  _ the other Null states, his voice lowered and husky, like he's having a hard time breathing.

That's what Zero gets in response to his downright gut-wrenching words. Perhaps that was a little too much at once; he can see Fifteen's bottom lip tremble. He can't tell if he's moved by what he just told him or if there's an entirely different reason for his sudden change in demeanor. But that aside, it's obvious that Fifteen is way past his breaking point– not to mention that he doesn't necessarily strike Zero as the type who…  _ lets everything out when he needs to. _

"Pull over."

"Listen, I know you want to help me bu–", Fifteen starts to stammer but is promptly cut off.

**_"Just pull over, goddamnit.",_ ** Zero eventually grunts at him out of pure frustration.  **_Jesus-fucking-christ,_ ** how can  **one** man be as stubborn as  **three?** He'd rather have him pull over than crash the fucking car. 

Fifteen flinches at that. 

**_Fuck,_ ** seems like he got _ a little  _ louder than intended. 

The other Null promptly pulls over, the motor humming softly when they come to a halt. It's quiet between them, aside from Fifteen's desperate attempts to keep his composure, but what starts with a few sniffles soon turns into pathetic hiccups as he tries to hold back sobs. It takes him a few moments but he seemingly manages to calm down just a bit–  _ the calm before the storm, as Zero will find out soon. _

The usually so proud Fifteen slowly collapses in his seat, his head sinking so low that it almost rests against the steering wheel. Zero can't see his face, which is what bothers him the most right now. He can more or less read the mood off the other's face by now, but body language is a whole different topic to him. He simply doesn't know what to do or say to mend the situation. Sure, he could reach out and go for a comforting embrace, but what if Fifteen doesn't want to be touched at the moment?  _ What if Zero makes it worse for him?  _ He'd rather do nothing than upset him further. 

_ And that's where his problem lies. _

Fifteen remains hunched over, unresponsive. However, thanks to the tunnel lights that illuminate the area, Zero can see enough to know that he's–  **unwell.** The many, many tears dripping onto the other's lap, wetting the fabric of his pants, tell him enough.

_ "I don't wanna do this anymore."  _ Fifteen sounds broken. He's thought that many times prior, but now Zero means it. 

The other's breath hitches in his throat repeatedly and eventually he has to lean back into his seat to breathe properly, his chest heaving as he does his damnedest to keep his composure.  _ It's heartbreaking to watch. _

"I get where… Eleven and you are coming from.", Fifteen states, his speech clear for someone way past their breaking point. However, _ he's trembling horribly. _ "I guess I… I'm not really done coming to terms with–  **_everything."_ ** Fifteen chokes on air.  _ "I don't wanna die, Zero.", _ he says, "But I know that– if I'm not doing anything about  _ this bullshit, _ no one else will."

He takes a break to catch his breath, wiping his tears with his sleeve. 

"I'm sorry.", Fifteen eventually says after a long moment of silence, his voice breaking. 

Zero feels like he's about to have a goddamn heart attack. His chest is aching, his breathing shallow due to needles being driven further into his lungs with every deep breath.  _ He feels utterly helpless. _ The Null can barely help himself so how the fuck could he help Fifteen? His stomach churns, a heavy feeling settling at his midriff. He's in agonizing pain, but can't tell where it's coming from. Zero is used to wounds making him feel this way, but now that there are none,  _ he doesn't know how to make it stop.  _

The silence from him seems to make Fifteen uncomfortable this time around, causing him to look over– his eyes widening at the sight presenting itself to him. 

_"Oh no,_ _honey–"_ The other Null quickly unbuckles his seat belt to turn in his spot to properly face Zero, reaching over to wipe over his cheek with his thumb. 

At first, Zero doesn't fully realize the situation at hand. His brows furrow. When he inhales, he can feel his breath hitch involuntarily, forcing him to breathe through his mouth. His hand is brought up to touch his unoccupied cheek– he's surprised to find that it's wet, his skin burning up underneath.  **Huh.** _ Zero notes that sadness is a shitty feeling. _

"It's enough if I'm the one crying all the time. C'mere."

Before he can react properly Fifteen already embraces Zero, pulls him as close as the arm rest between the seats lets him. His throat is closing up. When Fifteen gently presses Zero's face into his shoulder, he can no longer hold back a soft sob. He expects to hurt even more, but instead his breathing evens noticeably. With mild hesitation, Zero puts his arms around the other. 

Is he gonna suffer from mood swings like Fifteen now too? This is beyond exhausting. Zero may not be the most expressive person, but he feels the turmoil within him just like everyone else would.  _ Maybe the hard reset via bullet didn't wipe  _ **_everything_ ** _ after all. _

"I don't want you to cry, but I always… manage it somehow." 

"Hey, it's not your fault I'm a hot mess.", Fifteen responds while gently nuzzling Zero's shoulder, "It's just– a lot of shit happening... I also kinda have a hard time getting used to having you here." He pauses. "Especially as– more than just a friend."

Zero chooses to listen. Fifteen's voice calms him to the point of almost lulling him to sleep… _ although that's less than ideal, considering their assignment.  _

But aside from that, _thinking_ is hard again and now that there's the aspect of **_feeling_** in addition, Zero misses having a set goal for the day once more. _Truly, déjà vu._ But really, it's hard to choose between priorities like this; his former employer _did_ have a reason why he wasn't allowing him to interact with other people. Thanks to some mild exploration prior, Zero's acutely aware of what can get him just a few minutes of blissful emptiness that he needs right now– but at the same time he's kinda worried that Fifteen's gonna pull another **stunt.** _Well, it's definitely worth the risk._

The silence between them lasts several moments. It's the comfortable type, allowing the Null to think his next few steps through without being distracted by his own negativity. 

"Fifteen–" 

Cue a wistful whisper from Zero's side, which causes the other Null draw away merely enough to look at Zero, who seizes the opportunity to its fullest. The first kiss is no more than a gentle peck, yet it's still enough to catch Fifteen off guard a bit, freezing in his spot. However, the second one is already enough to help him loosen up. Both of his hands are brought up to frame the other Null's face as they kiss, his thumbs gently brushing over his cheeks. A soft sigh leaves Fifteen as he drapes his arms over Zero's shoulders. 

It's not going over Zero's head that they're a bit like a couple of teenagers sucking face whenever they get the chance to– but they won't live long enough to be able to take their whole relationship thing slow. _ If he's honest, he prefers it this way. _ All this raw emotion from Fifteen makes him realize what he's been missing out on all his life.  _ Maybe  _ **_feeling_ ** _ things isn't that bad; _ nothing comes without negatives after all.

Their kiss ends up going the same way as the last few did: open-mouthed, needy, downright desperate even–  _ and with tongue.  _ Zero shivers, goosebumps spreading over his nape, when he allows Fifteen to take the lead. The other Null shifts in his seat, pulling him close as much as the arm rest between them allows him to. The Null actually plays with the thought of...  _ y'know, getting into Fifteen's lap _ to make things a bit easier, but even though he's what might be the most intimidating virgin New Mecca has to offer, he knows well that that's just gonna maximize the chance for another…  _ accident.  _ Zero kinda has a hunch that cum stains won't look good on black dress pants.

Needless to say, the two of them are stuck in their own personal bubble, to a point where neither of them are aware of the happenings around them, no matter how apparent or disruptive. This goes on for a bit longer, at least until Zero notices an ever tiny detail– the idle humming of  **_another_ ** _ motor.  _

_ Huh, something ain't right about that, _ Zero manages to think to himself, in spite of his brain having been reduced to mush. However, even with the circumstances at hand, it takes the Null several moments until he can tear away from Fifteen– who then draws him back in almost immediately.  _ For fuck's sake. _ He can't help but voice his frustration with a throaty grunt, yet he still lets the other have his way. He recalls Fifteen saying that he's the best thing that happened to him in a long time, so who is Zero to deny him the happiness he's been deprived of for seven long years? 

He tries breaking their kiss once more, but this time he pushes Fifteen away as gently as humanly possible. And it works– for the most part, at least. Obviously miffed because of Zero's attempts to get him off his lips, Fifteen settles with going for his neck, forcing him to tilt his head just a bit. First there's just his lips but his teeth soon follow, which causes the Null to bite his lower lip as he sighs deeply through his nose.  _ Yep, still feels as nice as the first time did.  _

However, now that his head is tilted ever slightly, Zero manages to look past Fifteen– making direct eye contact with a guy in a car that pulled up to them.  _ Hm.  _ **_Awkward._ **

Now that he thinks of it, a car in the middle of a long-ass tunnel is a good place to get rid of something like a corpse or,  _ let's say, _ even do away with oneself and make sure no one finds out, so the poor dude probably wasn't expecting to see two grown men makeout. He just wanted to help. Zero can read  _ that much _ off his face. From what he can tell in this shit lighting, their  _ uninvited guest _ is pale like a sheet, lips pressed together in a tight line, and doesn't know what to do with himself, evident in the fact that he's not moving at all.

It takes him embarrassingly long to actually regain his ability to move. With urgency in mind, Zero pats Fifteen's back in a futile attempt to get his attention. Well, mostly futile. The other Null pulls away from his neck, only to return to his lips. _Oh,_ ** _great._** It **does** feel nice, enough to get Zero to lose himself for a split moment, but he can't concentrate knowing there's someone playing voyeur with them. 

In between Fifteen's sloppy kisses, Zero barely manages to whisper with utter desperation in his tone,  _ "We're not alone." _

_ Thank god, _ that's what causes the other Null to stop kissing him, although he downright mourns that warmth he loves so much when Fifteen pulls away, albeit in a quite begrudging manner. He turns around to face the other guy in the car beside theirs, wiping his mouth with his sleeve in a gradual motion. 

"What the  _ fuck _ are you looking at?", Fifteen growls at the other man, who probably rolled down his window under the impression that they'll be too embarrassed to do or say anything– well, tough luck 'cuz now he gets an earful from a pissed off serial killer with a wild fling in process.  _ If only he knew.  _ **"Mind your business.",** the other Null snaps a second time. 

There's no reaction, maybe due to the fact that he didn't expect to get yelled at.  _ Fifteen does  _ **_not_ ** _ like the lack of a response. _

The other Null reaches into his jacket and Zero,  _ honest to god, _ did not expect him to pull a gun. _ A fucking gun. _

But in spite of what's going on, he can't help but notice the other's exemplary discipline– finger off the trigger, resting on the side of the gun instead.  _ Nice. Didn't expect that from someone who's more of a katana guy. _

**"Fuck off."**

A split moment later, the motor blares within the tunnel as the dude abuses his gas pedal to save his skin. Zero has never seen someone take off with their car that fast.  _ Well, out of sight, out of mind. _

Fifteen puts the gun back into the holster under his jacket–  _ only to continue where they left off.  _ **_Yep, of course._ ** It catches him by surprise when the other goes all out in a downright desperate attempt to recapture the passionate embrace they had shared just now. To be honest, _ it works. _ It doesn't take long for Zero relax again, his mind wonderfully blank once more. However, as hasty as Fifteen was a mere moment ago, he ends up taking his sweet time while kissing him, the kiss becoming sloppy and rather lazy. But Zero can't lie– he  **_loves_ ** the sensation of Fifteen's tongue against his own, even if they've both started to drool quite a bit and he can now feel some saliva run down his chin. 

Neither of them really give a shit about their assignment anymore. Maybe because this is the first time they have some time  **_all_ ** alone, without anyone within range (save for the guy who just got away with a mild case of cardiac arrest). Deep down inside, the need to milk this opportunity for all its worth grows stronger with every additional moment they kiss. In a bout of excitement, Zero can't help but lean forward– everything just to get a tiny bit closer to Fifteen. His hand settles on the other Null's thigh, rather close to his abdomen with his fingers digging into his inner thigh. 

He earns himself a soft moan with that and Fifteen's hand curls into the front of his t-shirt to keep him where he's desperately needed. Zero already lost track of how long they've been making out but what he does know is that he's certainly in the mood to experiment. The Null brings his other arm into the whole situation, using it to shift his weight onto the middle part between the two seats instead, so he can caress the inside of Fifteen's thigh with his now free hand– and maybe brushing a bit too close to his crotch. When the other doesn't really react to gentle brushing, Zero switches to tender rubbing instead.  _ Again, a bit too close to his general crotch region.  _

This time, he nets himself a reaction and  _ it's near instant.  _

Fifteen actually whines into his mouth, his breath immediately becoming irregular and hitching inside his throat. It's no longer a thing of him being blissfully unaware or willfully ignorant,  _ Zero is currently treading  _ **_full on airhead territory–_ ** even with Fifteen sounding like he's having difficulty breathing, he doesn't stop. It's kinda funny hearing him like this, high-pitched and breathless. Zero breaks the kiss and the other Null doesn't protest at all, not even when he starts pressing wet kisses along the side of his neck, sucking on some patches of skin. In the end he's just doing what Fifteen did to him…  _ well, except the thigh rubbing. _ That's new to him, but it seems to do something. However, amidst all this, it  **does** make him think about the fact that he can feel  _ that _ bit of leg grow ever harder with every little movement.  _ Hm. _

**_"Ze-Zero–",_ ** comes the urgent moan, pleading and loud enough to echo throughout the tunnel. 

_ He can only thank whatever random god or guardian angel is looking out for him that the random guy didn't pass by a few minutes later.  _ Zero takes that as his cue to move his hand just a bit faster, but then Fifteen takes hold of his wrist to stop him and move his hand away from his thigh. While he's confused about that, it doesn't stop him from kissing the other's neck some more, licking away some beads of sweat that started to build there. Still in an experimenting mood, the Null decides to go for poor Fifteen's earlobe next, gently nibbling on the delicate skin of it. 

**"Jesus christ."** Words break out of Fifteen at that as he pants and his chest heaves.  _ "Zero, stop." _

As much as he's caught in the moment, that makes him perk up. Immediately he pulls away, his gaze flicking to Fifteen's expression as he instinctively looks for any sign of distress. No matter how much of a dense motherfucker he is, the last thing Zero wants to do is make him uncomfortable. Even in this shit lighting, it's not hard to tell that Fifteen's entire face is beet-red and he's sweating his ass off.  **Hell,** he can even  _ smell _ that last part– although that primal bit of human inside him thinks it's real fucking hot and he just wants to bury his face in the crook of his neck. 

"Something wrong?", Zero asks, as if this is just… an everyday thing for him.

At first, Fifteen only stares at him in utter disbelief, but then he speaks,  _ "I'unno,  _ **_you_ ** _ tell me." _

"You sounded like you were liking it. Dunno what's so wrong 'bout that." 

As he sinks into thought over why the other Null sounds so pissed off, he casts his eyes downward, his gaze falling right into Fifteen's lap.  **_Hm._ ** Maybe he wasn't rubbing  **his thigh** after all. Well, that explains it. That explains a lot, actually. He kinda had the same reactions last night  _ when he was going to town on his leg. _ Gently he shakes his wrist out of the other Null's sweaty, sweaty grip and wipes it dry on his shirt. He's nowhere near embarrassed, just a bit… surprised. 

_ "Oh, you're–" _

**"Yep.",** Fifteen cuts him off right there, suffering from god awful voice crack, "And if you keep staring it'll get worse,  **_god."_ **

There's a moment of silence between them, the air thick enough to slice it with his katana– but not that Zero would notice that.  **_Especially_ ** _ not him, out of all people.  _ He doesn't take the hint Fifteen just gave him and even presses on.

_ "Did you like that?", _ he asks with a tone so sweet and innocent as the situation allows.  _ It's a genuine question, too.  _ He doesn't quite get that he's playing with Fifteen's patience and self control equally. All Zero has in mind is that he makes him feel good and he wants to give him something in return. In the past few days he noticed that Fifteen always seems stressed, so the Null subconsciously draws a connection to what  **he** does when he's stressed– **rub one out.** Yep. That's all the logic that went into this.

Fifteen seems to struggle for words, both hands brought up to his face to hide it in what might be shame. Again Zero can't help but notice that the other just rapidly cycles through emotion after emotion. First depressed, _then_ pissed off, **then** _amorous_ and **_now_** ashamed. Maybe he _really_ needs some good ol' self care– _or well, Zero is more than willing to help him with that._

Since he didn't receive a reply to his first question, he asks another one, "Can I help?"

The other Null takes a deep, deep breath, hiding his face for a few moments longer until he can look at Zero again. "Only if you're absolutely sure about this."

_ "Wouldn't have asked in the first place if I wasn't.",  _ he tells him as he gives an ever subtle crooked smile in order to reassure Fifteen that he's  _ really, really,  _ **_really_ ** sure that he wants to get him off. "But you gotta help me a bit. I've  **never** done this– on someone else before."

"Depends on how far you wanna go."

Zero actually sits back for a moment to think about that.  _ He likes Fifteen. _ As in,  **_like-like._ ** But he'd be lying if the thought of having sex with him wasn't intimidating him. He doesn't remember ever having a relationship as intimate as this one (or any relationships at all for that matter),  _ not to mention with another guy.  _ Zero hasn't even gotten around to fantasize about the mechanical aspect of that. Penetrative sex can wait a bit longer, but that doesn't mean he wants to stop at kissing.

"I just… wanna do something for you. For now."

Yet another moment of silence, likely due to Fifteen dying from embarrassment inside out. 

"You can just– use your hands for that.", he eventually says after calming down a bit, "Not much different than what you'd… do to yourself." 

Cue a short but extremely awkward pause during which Fifteen clears his throat. 

"Honestly, I think it's better if you– try stuff out.  **_Without me explaining."_ **

_ God, the poor thing. _ Zero can't tell where the nervosity starts and the excitement ends. Maybe Fifteen is glad that he isn't really able to see his face. He should get this over with, lest the other Null dies from overheating. 

"Sounds good.", he responds nonchalantly, as if he isn't about to jerk off his maybe-boyfriend. 

No reply from Fifteen. Instead, he moves into a more comfortable position by sliding down in his seat just a bit, legs spreading. Thanks to his new position the other's hips jut out ever slightly and Zero can see the result of his…  _ hard work _ properly.  **Yep,** that's a big boner. 

He takes a moment to take a quick breather, before he leans over again to press a gentle kiss to Fifteen's neck while one of his hands brushes from his chest down to his abdomen–  _ and right to where it really counts. _ In spite of seeing it just a moment ago, Zero has to remind himself that Fifteen's a bit lop-sided; it's resting against his thigh rather than his stomach. Kinda cute, if he's honest with himself– but the size is less cute.  _ Another reason why actual sex can wait. _

Zero's downright surprised by how delicate he can be with his rough sausage fingers as he palms Fifteen through his pants, his thumb rubbing the tip– or rather what he assumes to be the tip– in generous circles. That way he earns himself a long sigh that soon ends up becoming a breathy moan. The fabric of the other's pants starts growing more damp with each additional circle of his thumb–  _ yep, that is the tip– _ and yet, Zero feels like he's not doing enough.  _ Sure, handjobs are nice, but he has a better idea. _

_ "Fif–", _ Zero begins, his voice soft and lowered to a whisper, "Can I use my mouth, too?" He asks him another time, still completely genuine–  _ no matter how obvious the outcome.  _

One would expect him to feel strange with how oblivious he's being, but Zero doesn't mind at all. He's never done this before, so of course he's going to be unsure about what he does. Either way, the other Null actually seems to enjoy his hesitation. He doesn't know what to make of that yet, but as we know, Zero isn't the thinker of the century to begin with;  _ he doesn't need to understand it.  _

Fifteen shivers in response, goosebumps spreading all over his skin.  _ Hell, Zero can even see the hairs on his neck rise. _ He likes it when his voice is like  _ this, _ as it seems. The temptation to push his buttons is definitely present– there's just one minor problem: Zero is going to suck utter ass at dirty talk. However, any experiments related to that won't be necessary as he soon realizes.

"If you keep going like that I'll cum before you can even get the zipper open."

"Too much?" He says that and yet he can't stop himself from sucking on Fifteen's neck again while he keeps stroking him gently. 

"Not really.", Fifteen states with a content sigh weighing into his tone, "It's just… knowing you're the one doing this.  _ Feels right." _

Yet again, the deeper meaning behind the other's words remains unnoticed by Zero. One might think he's doing it on purpose by now, but this is just how he is. 

Instead, he begins moving on to what really counts. 

His hands deal with Fifteen's belt buckle as if they had developed a mind of their own, every movement precise to a tad. Zero knows what he wants for once in his life– he just wouldn't have thought it would be sex-related. Once the buckle is out of the way, he takes care of the zipper too. Fifteen decides to assist him by shoving his pants down a tiny bit, so he has easier access…  _ to the whole situation.  _ With only the underwear left between Zero and what feels like the holy grail (based on the build up needed to get it), he takes a moment to tease the other Null some. He captures Fifteen in an open-mouthed kiss, who lets him have his way without protest.  _ However, that's where he fucked up.  _

Curious and mischievous at the same time, Zero drags a single finger up the entire length of Fifteen's dick, going from the balls to the tip– and he does it agonizingly slow. There's no reaction worth mentioning right at the start, but once he's halfway to the tip Fifteen begins twitching under his touch.  _ It takes him a while to realize that he's not actually twitching with his  _ **_entire_ ** _ body.  _ The whole thing requires some actual self control, because feeling some guy's dick twitch is…  **_something else._ ** Zero almost flinched in surprise. 

He manages to break their kiss, thanks to Fifteen's jaw going slack as he starts moaning again. Literally eager to please, Zero palms him again, but with a layer of thick fabric less he realizes something. He can't tell what it is, but there's… bumps. **_Hm._** **_Don't like that._** His amazing poker face hides any and all turmoil about this rather minor yet disturbing discovery; _thank god for that._ With great care and hesitation, Zero allows his fingers to slip past the hem of the other's underwear and pulls it down. 

What he didn't expect was Fifteen's dick quite literally jumping out and flopping against his abdomen, smearing precum on his dress shirt in the process. But what he expected even less is the familiar shine of steel– _Fifteen has piercings._ **Yep,** **_there,_** **out of all places.** That explains the bumps he just felt, but that's not any less concerning if he's honest. 

But does Zero waste another thought on it? Nope. Not at all.  _ At least for the next ten seconds. _

Once he strokes him another time for good measure, the Null literally cannot stop thinking about how weird the piercings feel. It's four bars with a small ball at each end, going down the underside of Fifteen's dick. He's heard the name for it before, but in a different context: _Zero's a big fan of the movie Jacob's Ladder._ Thanks to his amnesia he kept forgetting what it's about, so he distinctly remembers watching the tape _at least_ ten times– **_fucking hell, focus._**

He almost shakes his head in order to get rid of all thoughts that aren't related to Fifteen, his dick or what he's about to do to it.  _ Has he always been this scatter-brained?  _

Before his mind can wander yet again, Zero gets onto his seat, his shins digging into the leather. He's at a point where his side hurts so fucking bad from just twisting around in his spot, so he desperately needs to change position. Now that he's leaning over the armrest with his ass in the air, Zero starts doing what he has worked up to without any further ado–  _ but he still starts small.  _

As if to test the waters, he trails kisses down the length of his cock, before replacing his lips with tongue. Right away, he can feel one of Fifteen's hands in his hair, ever gently urging him downward. He gives him another lick, this time focusing on… well,  _ everything about it. _ He might as well could've been licking Fifteen's arm going by the taste; there's little to no difference, other than the fact that it's kinda wrinkly and more veiny. Carefully he takes him into his hand again, stroking him slowly while he tries flicking his tongue over the tip. _ Hm. Salty.  _

_ "Oh, fuuuuck–" _ Cue a throaty and drawn out moan from Fifteen, his fingers already clawing at his hair. It seems like a bit of an overreaction to him. He's not even doing anything. 

Zero doesn't bother repeating his motions and just goes on to the next bit. His lips close around the tip and he swirls his tongue around it, earning himself what sounds like a dying keen–  _ Fifteen does sound a bit like he's in excruciating pain. _ However, it only gets worse when Zero decides to give him a light suck. He can feel him fucking throb in his mouth from that–  **_which feels real fucking weird in turn._ ** Despite his mild surprise at Fifteen's reaction and…  _ general mechanical aspect of sucking a dick, _ all that only spurs him on to take things a bit further. His hand slides from the shaft down to the base where it settles and Zero lowers his head some more, taking more of Fifteen into his mouth.

To be honest, he was a bit intimidated by the size at first but it actually fits into his mouth pretty comfortably–  _ diameter-wise _ at least.  **Length-wise** it's still scary. 

With the confidence of a guy who thinks he's very good at something despite not knowing what the fuck he's doing at all, the Null starts bobbing his head, albeit in a rather awkward manner. He's used to putting things in his mouth– _he's a fan of food if he's honest–_ but this is **not** food. _Teeth_ ** _bad_** **.** _Teeth_ ** _very bad_** _right now._ It takes about every ounce of strength his jaw muscles have in order to keep his teeth away from Fifteen's dick. But his technique of rather questionable quality yields results. The other Null is downright incoherent but purely based on his tone and some word bits Zero can catch, he's praising him to hell and back. Well, that's good, right? 

But it doesn't seem to be quite enough to get him off just yet. Hm… Oh, right.  _ Sucking could help.  _

The noises were awkward as fuck to begin with– wet squelching, coupled with the fact that Zero literally cannot stop drooling– but when he starts sucking, it only gets worse from there on out. Like he's trying to slurp leftovers out of a tube of protein paste. Perhaps he shouldn't be thinking such bullshit when he's doing this kinda thing, because Zero actually snorts. Obscenely loud, at that. But Fifteen only moans obscenely loud in return, unaware of the fact that the Null didn't just choke on his **_enormous_** _cock_ and is rather five seconds away from laughing. _If only either of them knew._

"Zero–", Fifteen finally groans after a few more erratic strokes, _ "Cumming." _

_ Oh thank  _ **_god._ **

It takes only one little movement in addition to push him over the edge. Zero feels like he's about to rip out his hair. Even though he should've expected it, the Null is kinda overwhelmed that no matter how much he swallows,  **there's more.** Not much thinking went into the decision to swallow rather than spit everything out, which he really regrets when the taste on his tongue reaches his brain cells.  _ Ugh, yep. Yep,  _ **_that_ ** _ is vile.  _ Zero can't help but shudder, barely able to suppress his gag reflex. 

Once he's sure that Fifteen has gotten rid of everything that was seemingly pent up for ages (judging by the taste at least), Zero comes up for air. Quite literally. He jerks upward with a loud gasp, a hand quickly brushing his sweat-clad bangs out of his face. There's sweat running down the back of his neck. His clothes are downright glued to his form. _ Has it been this hot the entire time?  _

The heat only gets worse when Fifteen captures him in another series of messy kisses and caresses his face with one of his sweaty,  _ sweaty _ hands.  **_Ewewewew–_ ** this is probably true love, because Zero permits the wet advances to their full extent without protest. He's gonna need like four showers when they're back. Thankfully, their embrace doesn't last long and Fifteen allows him to get back into his seat properly soon enough. 

No words are exchanged after what just happened, which the other Null uses as an opportunity to get out of the car to adjust his general situation, air himself out. Zero follows his example and gets rid of his blazer, throwing it into the backseat. With haste he rummages around for the water bottle underneath his seat, almost having crawl on the floor to get it–  _ he  _ **_needs_ ** _ to get that taste off his tongue. _ It takes him about ten seconds to empty the whole thing, also throwing the empty bottle over his shoulder, into the backseat to his blazer. In addition to wanting to get rid of the terrible taste that cum has to itself,  **he's fucking parched.** Hopefully Fifteen has more. 

While he's idling about, Zero is already making countless mental notes on how his actual first time should be and where it'll take place: he  **_needs_ ** air conditioning and the car is a big no. Everything else would be a free one way ticket to dehydration. He's about to lean forward in his seat, but a dull ache in his abdomen prevents him from doing so.  _ Oof. Feels bad. _ Out of curiosity he lifts up his shirt; the arm rest left an indent in his abs.  **Christ.** Fifteen can't make this up to him, ever. 

Speaking of Fifteen, he notices he's nowhere to be seen. Zero scans the vast empty tunnel before him.  _ Hm. Not there. _ He turns around in his spot and catches a vague glimpse of him a few meters behind the car.  _ What's he doing now? _ They have shit to do after all. With urgency in mind, Zero leans out of his window to see what's going on–  _ oh, pee break. _ And he's smoking.  _ Well, they're only human in the end too, _ even if it's a fact that's easy to overlook. 

"Oy, piss a lil' faster.", the Null grunts, only half-serious, as he hits the car door with his flat palm, aiming to push Fifteen's buttons just a bit. "We got somewhere to be."

"Fuck off, don't rush me." 

Fifteen sounded a bit pissy (haha, funny– maybe there's a reason why only Zero laughs at his jokes) just now, so he decides to let it rest and sits back down properly, already buckling his seat belt. 

And so he waits. 

_ Zero's arms cross.  _

And he waits. 

Again, he notices how there's sweat running down his entire body, as if someone's torturing him with a hair dryer. 

"I'm dying here, Fifteen." 

The exaggerated groan he gets in return puts a mischievous grin on his face. It's the small things in life, like gently bullying your fellow humans, that make it worth living. 

Fifteen starts bickering, but most of it is incoherent thanks to a gust of hot wind howling within the tunnel. The other Null pops the trunk, allowing Zero to finally get an earful of him.  _ "–I'm literal ages old in Null years.", _ he says and slams it shut before walking around the car and getting back into the driver's seat– two bottles of water under his arm. Jackpot. "An old man needs his time."

Zero snorts at that. They're literally the same age. He's not gonna mention it though. 

The other Null hands him one of the bottles without further comment and then promptly stores the other one under his seat before preparing for the rest of their drive. It's almost like a road trip– just under dire circumstances. The windows are rolled up, the AC is turned on again and even though the first bit of air is disgustingly hot,  _ what comes after is downright heavenly.  _ The chances of him ever leaving the car have just become slimmer than already. 

And thus, they set off for the rest of what seems to be a long journey. At least they don't gotta walk. 

_ It takes about five minutes for boredom to set in, _ now that he can't even stick his head out of the window. And everything looks the same too. Grey asphalt, red rock and sediment to match, lights with a piss-yellow hue.  _ Bluh.  _ Zero sighs.  **Great.**

However, another five minutes or so later, the tunnel seems to hit a slope. It's going downwards ever slightly now.  **_Wooooow._ ** _ Such variety!  _ The worst part is not a word is spoken between them either. Not even about what happened,  _ which still feels surreal as hell. _ They really just went that far.  **On their way to the job nonetheless.** He doubts Noël would be happy if he found out that they prefer…  _ doing other things _ than his assignment.  _ Well, ain't like he ever will.  _

A series of signs at the tunnel ceiling catch his attention. A new one appears every few tunnel segments, the number on it declining–  **Oh!** They're descending. Right. New Mecca isn't only surrounded by mountains, it was literally built on one– but he would've never expected that they live more than two thousand meters above sea level. Then again before this new lifestyle,  _ all he had were the assignments he was given and his tiny apartment;  _ more knowledge would've been overkill and a distraction. It feels pretty damn weird to know that there's a world beyond and that he's been sleeping on it.

Ten minutes pass. More tunnel. The road down has gotten steeper. The signs are still in the four-digit area, but slowly nearing the one thousand threshold.  **_Woooooowwww, long live this outstanding variety._ ** That's another thing he's starting to notice about himself: the very moment he lacks any meaningful stimuli, the Null becomes restless. Maybe Fifteen's  _ 'i physically cannot stop working' disorder _ is contagious. Zero huffs loudly as he leans back into his seat, catching the other Null's attention.

"It's not far anymore.", Fifteen attempts to reassure, gently nudging Zero's forearm with his own.

**Oh, right.** They've been sharing the giant armrest between them. Zero's affection-starved brain is already alerting him of the many things he could do just to get some more dopamine in his system–  _ and in the end he's nothing but a slave to that tormented grey mass inside his skull.  _

Even though he very clearly wants some meaningful body contact that isn't inherently sexual and might even convey a fraction of his feelings,  **_Zero hesitates._ ** The idea itself causes his stomach to turn, but in a weirdly nice way. It's fluttering, along with his heart. But as he carefully ponders on his feelings for this particular Null, he's now also becoming acutely aware of what he did twenty minutes ago. That doesn't make things any better. The realization only brings embarrassment into the whole scheme.  _ Oh  _ **_god,_ ** _ he can't believe he really sucked Fifteen's dick and they're not even talking about it.  _ Was it good, was it bad– guess he'll die never knowing because there's no way in fucking hell that Zero is ever gonna ask. 

But then, he ponders on it  **another time.** If Fifteen went  _ that far _ with him, he's not going to mind something more casual. _ Yes, it's gonna be fine. _

Zero thinks that, only to hesitate another time.  _ Agh, fuck it. To hell with it.  _

It starts small. His arm shifts closer to Fifteen's, the sides of their hands already touching. Zero knows that he shouldn't be so nervous about something like this, but his heart is still about to leap from his chest. There's just something about that adrenaline rush; it's almost comparable to the type he gets when he kills (take that as you will). Carefully, he nudges Fifteen's pinky with his own to test the waters. _ No reaction. _ Zero tries to stay optimistic– he's driving right now, so he's gotta concentrate. If he's quite honest, the Null is getting mad at himself. There's literally nothing to worry about. 

_ So he goes for the kill.  _

With unexpected tenderness, Zero's hand is rested atop Fifteen's. His thumb lovingly brushes over the knuckles of his pinky and ring finger, then he allows his fingers to curl into the spaces that seem like they were made for them, giving the other Null's hand a light squeeze. No matter how small this action may be, the rush Zero gets from it is unlike any other. His skin is tingling all over, mild goosebumps rising in some spots, as he can feel an ever subtle smile cause the corners of his mouth to curl upwards. 

However, he's not ready for Fifteen squeezing his hand back.  _ Not at all.  _ His heart jumps into his throat. Heat spreads on his face, a faint shine of red on his cheekbones. The feeling puts so much strain on Zero's poor nerves that his free hand actually reaches for his face to hold onto his cheek, pressing against it as he averts his gaze.

Cue a soft snort from Fifteen's side– somehow, that only makes more blood rise into his face.  _ He's not helping.  _ **_Not at all._ **

"What's gotten into you?", the other Null asks, his smile audible in his voice. 

**"Dunno.",** Zero replies with haste; he wants to keep what he says to a bare minimum to so Fifteen doesn't hear his voice crack horribly. _ "I just like you." _

Now he knows why he's never expressing his feelings. It's one of the more stressful things in life and as if that's not enough, he has the emotional capacity of a potato. He also sounds like a preschooler saying these things. Zero simply lacks the necessary vocab to actually sound like he's serious about…  _ like-liking Fifteen. _ These things come from the depths of his heart– well, from the leftovers that made it this far, rather. 

"Figured as much."

His hand slips from his face down to the side of his neck, where he can feel his jugular pulse under his touch.  _ Jesus-fucking-Christ, is this what Fifteen felt like this morning when he confessed? _ Zero's pretty sure he's about to go into cardiac arrest. In a desperate search for something to focus on his gaze darts across the scenery, but he finds nothing because there's only so much one can discover in a tunnel. Seems like he's in a metaphorical dead-end. As stressed out as he is though, Zero would lie if he said it doesn't feel nice to voice even just a bit of what he feels. Likely noticing how nervous he is, Fifteen decides to let it rest, simply holding hands with him in silence. Honestly, Zero prefers no further comments.  _ They're doing normal couple stuff and that's what really counts.  _

However, the signs at the ceiling catch his attention again–  _ five hundred meter above sea level. _ Now that he doesn't really have any thoughts to distract himself with, Zero eventually notices the uncomfortable sensation inside his ears.  _ Yep, they're going down a giant hill, alright.  _ He can't help but put his free hand over his ear, in a futile attempt to stop it from popping. He's quite a bit nauseous too. But then, there's something else that takes his mind off the issues his body is having. After a long curve, Zero can see the end of the tunnel.  _ It's just a bit further down. _

A different sign urges all oncoming traffic  _ (as if there's ever that much happening out here) _ to slow down, which Fifteen does. The transition between almost vertical down and horizontal is nowhere near smooth. It's quite possibly the worst bumpy ride Zero ever had to sit through, and it's not helping his already upset stomach at all. It's over quickly, at least until both of them jump in their seats as Fifteen's car rolls over…  _ wait, speed bumps? _ Really?  **Wow.** They're dead serious when they tell you to slow down, huh. 

A giant gate at the long sought end of the tunnel is all what separates them from  _ the fabled outside. _ It looks like they're stuck behind a hermetic seal inside a vault,  _ jesus christ.  _ Undoubtedly a remnant from war times. No wonder they want you to slow down at this part; crashing into  **that** full force is a death sentence. Thick black lettering on what seems to be the lock mechanism leaves no doubt on who built this.  _ Of course it's  _ **_Juncture._ ** _ Who else.  _

They roll up to some kind of automated checkpoint and Fifteen already writhes his hand out of Zero's grip in order to reach into his jacket and pull out his wallet, from which he takes a card–  _ an ID of sorts. _ Very likely not his own, considering the whole identity theft thing he bragged about. If his former boss could afford to employ a Null, then he must've been one of the higher-ups in all this bullshit, no doubt about it. 

Now that he thinks about it again– _of course, it's_ ** _perfect._** With all these security clearances and god knows what else, Fifteen must be _drowning_ in intel for his research.

After rolling his window down, the other Null leans out in order to bring the ID up to a scanner. It takes a few seconds until the thing emits a high-pitched beep to which Fifteen grunts something under his breath while putting the card back into his wallet.

"Dunno what they still need this shit for–  _ thought the war is over." _ He can  **taste** the sarcasm.

_ "We _ know it isn't.", Zero replies dryly. 

He's slowly realizing why Fifteen is doing all this. Hidden from the public eye, there's a fucking arms race going on. There's so much that he– in fact,  _ both of them– _ isn't aware of. For all they know, there might already be negotiations over Von Alvensleben's work. They never asked for any of this and now– there's some assholes possibly trying to make a quick buck off their suffering and get Chronos into mass production. The mere thought of the harsh truth feeds a fire at the pit of his gut that was kindled there not too long ago.  _ Perhaps the other Null really _ **_is_ ** _ affecting him. _

While the other Null puts on his shades, Zero is about to inquire further about the task they were given, but is cut off by the deafening hissing of the hydraulic mechanism within the gate as it springs to life. _ Goddamn, that's loud.  _ Even when Fifteen rolls up the window again, it's still downright crippling.

But what's even worse than the noise is the  _ bright-ass light _ nearly blinding him as the gate slowly opens, inch by inch. It's so bad that he has to shield his eyes with his arm.  _ Jeez, it actually burns on his retinas. _ Has the sun always been…  **this** aggressive to look at? The vehicle starts moving again, but Zero would be damned if he's gonna put his arm down now– he can feel the sunlight burn on his skin, too.  **_Jesus._ **

"I think I got another pair of shades in the glovebox.", he hears Fifteen say. 

Quickly he ducks away, in order to rummage through the aforementioned glovebox. In between empty blisters of pills and other things that people usually would throw away, he finds what he's searching for. Once done with wiping the dust off the lenses, he puts the sunglasses on and comes up again, _ faced with a sight he didn't expect. _

There's no lush jungle or anything like that. All the flora he can see as of now are savannah grass and dried bushes.  _ Wow, massive bummer. _ They're driving down a narrow road (if one can even call it that; it's just straight up dirt), each side lined with high cliffs of sandstone in various shades of red. Zero can't really appreciate that, as nice to look at as it may be, when his expectations were rather high. And if that wasn't enough, immediately his gaze falls onto a sign that warns oncoming traffic of falling rocks. __

_ Oh,  _ **_great._ ** If the inhabitants of New Mecca won't kill you, the more or less hostile environment will.  _ Everything fits so well together. _

The scenery remains disappointing, even when they get to a shady plateau with large rock formations towering over them. At least it's nice and cool here. However, he is a bit surprised when Fifteen drives onto the plateau, seemingly going for another...  _ intermission. _ He drives close to the cliff side, soon coming to a halt.  _ Hm. Can't tell if Zero likes that, especially considering what happened during their last break. _

"I'm gonna need to do some setting up before we can get to the actual job–", Fifteen states as he turns the keys, the motor coming to an abrupt halt, "–And to be honest,  _ I'm fucking starving." _

Oh, what the– _he packed food._ _By the sound of it_ ** _Fifteen fucking packed food._** _This_ ** _really_** _is_ _a road trip._ Possibly with murder involved by the end of it. Even Zero, who has had a rather nonchalant approach when it came to their expertise, feels like that this is… _kinda fucked up._ But as quick as that thought came, his stomach immediately convinces him otherwise; lunch before work seems like a damn good idea. 

By the time he's done thinking about how bizarre their lunch break is, Fifteen has already gotten out of the car, having left the door open. The front of hot air that hits Zero catches him off guard. But as he soon notices their new environment, it's nowhere near out of the ordinary that it's awfully hot and dry out. 

Zero's gaze is glued to the picture that presents itself to him. 

Vast dunes of red sand lie beyond the edge of the small plateau. Rock formations are scattered across the open field, none of them alike. Their many layers of sediment shimmer in different colors as the light hits them. Usually the sky in New Mecca is hidden behind thick clouds, but there's not a single cloud to see here– only the bright blue sky, going as far as one can look. 

The Null's body develops a mind of its own; he's completely enchanted by the view. He gets out of the car, quickly stumbling towards the edge of the plateau. 

_ It only gets prettier the longer he looks at it. _

In the distance, Zero can make out patches of color in the red sand.  _ Right, it's rainy season _ and he finally understand what this even means, after all these years of hearing it time and time again. There's hundreds over hundreds of desert flowers blooming in this sea of red tones, like blotches of color that bring some variety into a painting.  _ The disappointment from earlier is forgotten right away. _ It's strange to know that this has been here the entire time, without him being aware. And if the view wasn't enough,  _ the air is so fresh here. _ He can't help but take multiple deep breaths; you don't get that type of air inside the city, _ definitely not. _

Still on auto-pilot, Zero carefully crouches right at the ledge, sitting down so that his legs dangle off the cliff. Maybe not the safest idea, but it definitely feels freeing. 

_ "Be careful.", _ Fifteen calls over to him right away in an almost scolding tone. 

In a quite childish manner, the Null swings his legs just a bit, looking down in curiosity. Then, his mind starts wandering.  _ He could just jump and rewind. _ It's not that high up anyway; he'd break some bones at most when hitting the ground. He doesn't know where this sudden intrusive thought came from, but perhaps it's just a Null thing–  _ his very own thing, at that.  _ Some of them talk to themselves, some have mood swings and others just think of doing things without considering the consequences first– not like he needs to.  _ He's a fucking Null.  _

Zero can feel his grip on the rocky edge slip, as he's about to let himself fall just for the hell of it.  _ Nothing is gonna happen anyway. _

"Lunch with a view, huh?"

Fifteen's presence stops him in his tracks.  **_Weird._ **

There's still some getting used to that needs to be done when it comes to feeling and genuinely giving a shit about others. Zero turns to look up at the other Null, with a clunky white and blue cooler in hand.  **He really packed food.** His empty stomach growls loudly at the mere prospect of something to eat. The cooler is put down at a safe distance away from the ledge by Fifteen before he settles beside Zero.

"Though, I don't have much since I don't got big appetite to begin with– and I couldn't get anything out of you while you were...  _ well, y'know, totally out of it.", _ Fifteen says as he opens the box of goods. 

He hands Zero an ice-cold fork (yep, that's been in there for quite some time) and then, two small containers follow–  _ oh, good ol' tupperware.  _ Reminds him of home. Not like Zero  **ever** used his and left them to rot in his cupboard, but they were one of the few constants in his life. Fifteen hands him one of them to which Zero immediately holds it over his head to check the contents.  _ Greens. Some sort of salad. _ **_Hm._ ** Cue him actually shaking the container.  _ Is that cheese in there? Well, at least  _ **_some_ ** _ protein. _

"If you don't like it, I packed some leftover pizza for you, too." 

Feeling a bit weird over someone thinking that much about him, Zero puts the box into his lap, carefully contemplating on opening it. Now that he has been presented with the possibility of eating pizza instead of…  _ something healthy,  _ he hesitates. 

While he's still stuck considering the food box filled with what could taste like radioactive waste, Fifteen has already started eating his own portion. The other Null looks so _pensive yet serene_ – **not unlike a grazing cow–** while raking through the salad with his fork, eating in the smallest bites possible. **Well.** _He is eating it._ And judging by his absent-minded visage, it's not half bad.

In the end the needy howl of his stomach is what drives Zero to say _ 'fuck it', _ just like he does with everything else in life. 

Carefully he pries the lid open– and is met with something that does not match his generally accepted image of a salad at all. It's not leafy. He can see diced tomato, cheese and…  _ some, uh, strips of something. _ It's a weird shade of green.  _ Did it go bad on the way here? _ He decides to be brave and pokes it with his fork. Zero really doesn't want to seem disrespectful, but he's never seen that vegetable before.  _ Curiosity over manners. _

"What **_is_ ** that."

_ "Ish cafus.", _ Fifteen speaks to him with a full mouth after he seemingly changed his mind and started shoveling the salad into his mouth in heaping forkfuls.

"What?"

Cue a short pause during which the other Null has major trouble swallowing the amount of greens in his mouth.

_ "Cactus.",  _ he eventually manages to say, "Cactus salad. It's homemade so I'll take anything other than an empty box as an insult to my cooking skills." The last part is said with a little laugh, obviously in good fun.

Wow, Zero never even knew you could eat cactus in the first place. Very interesting. He's just not sure about the whole thing…  _ ah, might as well. _ A lil' bit of green won't kill him. 

The Null gets himself a modest forkful, carefully looking at it first. Oh, there's onion in it! He can smell some garlic, too. _ It does seem tasty… doesn't look half bad, either.  _ Zero has never been a fan of greens– or was he just never introduced to them properly? 

Cue his stomach throwing yet another fit, loud enough to make Fifteen snort. 

_ "Just eat it already, Zero. _ You're 'bout to starve by the sound of it, jesus."

_ And so he shoves the fork into his mouth. _ In spite of how soggy the bits of cactus look, they're actually crunchy. As he chews, the familiar taste of vinegar spreads on his tongue. Oh, it's pickled cactus.  _ He likes pickles. _ Once he's done properly tasting the first bite, he swallows–  _ aaaaaaand immediately goes for the next one.  _

It doesn't take long for Zero to empty the container that's way too small for his newly awakened appetite, leaving him to scratch wistfully at the bottom of it in the hope that more will magically appear. How dare this actually be good–  _ and how dare Fifteen be good at making food? _

"I'm gonna take that as a positive reaction.", the other Null says with a subtle chuckle weighing into his voice, then continues to scrape the leftovers out of his container. 

It wasn't much, but goddamn he's full. Leaning back in his spot to make room for his now filled stomach, Zero sighs contently. He's sated for now, but not in such a way that he never wants to see food ever again– like it was before, after a pizza depression binge. 

In a downright Zen-like state of mind, Zero's gaze flicks over to Fifteen who seems to be in deep thought again. He's slowly starting to understand why he sometimes looks so absent and overall distant. There's a massive weight on his shoulders and although he put it there himself, Zero respects him greatly for that. Thinking back on it, it seems the two of them aren't so different– except when Fifteen lacks meaningful stimuli,  _ he starts to think. _ And thinking  **very bad,** apparently. By word association alone Zero's mind goes to his new favourite thing to do when he doesn't want to think, but quickly reconsiders; they just ate, and there were onion and garlic involved.  _ Not sure if he wants food breath times two.  _

So instead, he takes the time to study Fifteen since he hasn't really done that before. It's almost a bit laughable to think about–  _ oh wow, he hasn't even looked at him properly! _ But it doesn't matter, even if his shit-brain is taunting him for it. 

It takes his eyes a split second to spot something rather unusual, _something that hasn't managed to catch his attention before._ His glance is downright glued to a patch of uneven skin at the side of Fifteen's face, close to his ear. _Ah, a scar._ **Burns,** by the looks of it. Speaking of his ear… there's a hefty portion of it missing. _Huh. Well._ Actually now that he pays closer attention to it, ** _all_** _of it is missing._ Zero has seen many things related to the human body and its mutilation, but **_a literal ear hole_** is something he doesn't see everyday. 

_ Would it be rude to ask about it,  _ Zero thinks to himself as his mouth already executes the thought.

"What's that?"  _ A scar,  _ **_idiot._ ** __

"One of my souvenirs from the war.", Fifteen speaks without looking at him, now visibly tense.  **_Great job, Zero._ ** He pauses for a moment, but the moment of silence is soon followed by a deep sigh, "Gamma or not, I still look a lot like Swiss cheese naked."

It takes Zero a bit before he gets it. 

**_Ah._ ** _ Holes everywhere.  _

"Sorry I asked."

"Nah, you're fine.", the other Null responds, his shoulders sinking, "I expected you to bring it up sooner or later anyway."

_Ughhh, he fucked it up._ ** _Big time._** It's been going so well between them that it actually bothers him that Fifteen is very obviously uncomfortable. However, before Zero can even say or do something to console the other Null, he gets up and leaves him to himself, even taking the cooler with him. _D'aw._

And thus he's on his own.  **_Great._ **

The Null blinks slowly–  _ too slow for his tastes. _ He tries to open his eyes, but all he's given is that familiar darkness during a blackout.  _ Yeah, things have been going too well for him. _ With each time he blanks, Zero feels like his brain cells are dying off even faster than already–  _ as if the Chronos on its own wasn't bad enough.  _

Well, at least he's not hallucinating or having nightmares during the one moment of darkness that plagues him more than anything else. It's just…  **_nothing._ ** Pretty much like his brain is having a hard time deciding whether if it should finally perish from the damage it has suffered or not. 

When he wakes, he's in the backseat of Fifteen's car, feeling disoriented and like five seconds away from astral-projecting.  _ How oddly familiar.  _

Zero jerks upward to look at his surroundings to make sure he's not back at a point from a few days ago, but there's no dirty cityscape in sight, only the vast red dunes of New Mecca. Ah, they've already moved on from the plateau and are now somewhere in the flatlands. Though, he can't say that this comforts him in any way. They're in the middle of nowhere and Zero has an impending sense of doom that he simply cannot shake. His head drops, his neck unable to support it properly for a brief moment.  **Something's definitely coming.** This is bad.  _ This is real fucking bad. _

"You okay back there?", Fifteen asks, turning his head to look at him. 

**_Good god,_ ** now that Zero has grown painfully aware of the fact that Fifteen only has one ear, he has a hard time not looking at the hole that's left behind.  _ How the fuck did he not notice that sooner?  _ He can't stop thinking about that, even with obviously more serious issues at hand.

Zero wants to respond, but all that comes out are bits and pieces of what  _ could _ be words.  _ What the fuck. _

Fifteen looks nothing short of horrified.  _ "Zero?" _

He attempts to reply a second time, but he still finds himself unable to speak. His tongue simply won't form words.

At a moment's notice, the Null feels… unwell. It's too vague to describe everything that's going on inside his head, but that has to suffice for the moment. His head is swimming, all four of his limbs befallen by a disconcerting tingling. Unable to help himself otherwise, Zero lies back onto the backseat. Not a moment later, one of his arms begins cramping up and it does so in an excruciatingly slow manner, like every single one of his muscle fibers acts on its own. 

**And just like that, it's lights out.**

It's times like these where Zero wants nothing more dearly than a second bullet through his skull. It would make things way easier. But again, there's no such thing as dying for a Null, especially not for a Gamma. 

The Null wakes another time.  _ He's slowly getting tired of this Chronos withdrawal brain damage bullshit.  _

Zero can't see yet, but he can sure as hell hear himself babble incoherent sentences and gargle with his own spit. There's that distinct copper taste in his mouth after he likely bit his tongue again. Though, this time he notices that he's quite clear in the head. Sure, he can feel his arm jerk around like it's trying to separate itself from his shoulder and he's drooling everywhere, but at least he's aware of that now. He almost wants to say it isn't  _ as bad _ this time, compared to the first seizure he had. There's no splitting headache, no hallucinations.  _ Hey, seems like he's actually on his road to recovery– _ but there's only so much progress that can be made in a few days. And as if the withdrawal seizure wasn't enough,  _ it's so fucking hot out, too. _

Well, they  **are** in the desert after all. That's the one fact he has to remind himself of each time.

A minute that feels like an eternity passes. Zero slowly regains his sight. Judging by what his still blurry field of view tells him, he's lying in the trunk of Fifteen's car, his shins and feet dangling over the edge of it. It seems the other Null parked them behind one of those pretty rock formations he saw earlier…  _ ohh, he's in the mood to stare at some pretty stones right about now. _ The harsh jerking of his arm and his incoherent babbling have ceased thankfully, leaving Zero with numbing exhaustion and a mouth full of bloody spit. 

Eleven was right. He's not fit for the job yet–  _ but  _ **_what else_ ** _ is there for him?  _

Zero grunts and snorts as he tries to get his general mouth situation back into order by wiping the spit away with his arm, but he's still too weak for that, so all he effectively does is smack himself in the face with his own forearm.  **_Loudly_ ** _ at that. _ He even yelps in surprise.  _ Thank god no one is seeing him like this.  _

At least his futile effort alerts Fifteen of the fact that he's awake. The other Null has been sitting by his feet at the edge of the trunk. He expected him to completely lose it again, but he seems rather calm this time. 

Fifteen says nothing as he turns to him and gently brushes his sweat-clad bangs out of his face. Zero can feel his hand tremble horribly.  _ Yep, scratch that. He is  _ **_not_ ** _ calm.  _ There's something running down the other Null's chin and it's actually hard to tell whether it's tears or sweat. Might be both. 

_ Zero heaves.  _ A weak cough forces itself out of him when he accidentally inhales some spit. Honestly, choking on his own drool is the last thing he needs right now. 

_ "Is it over?", _ Fifteen asks in an almost cautious manner, like Zero's gonna jump him for it. 

**"Yah."**

That's all Zero can manage right now. He's so goddamn tired. He's also still drooling everywhere. Would it be too much if he asked Fifteen to wipe his mouth for him? Or is that already the same tier as having him wipe his ass? If he's honest, Zero sure does feel like he aged about sixty years in the past, what,  _ three or four days, _ so he might actually qualify for that kind of service. Fifteen said he looks old (although he doesn't know how much truth there is to a drunk man's rambling), but now he actually feels like it too. 

Fifteen sighs in relief, both hands brought up to his face for a moment. His shoulders sink and he takes a while to steady his breathing, shaking ever subtly in his spot.  _ He's a nervous wreck. _ There's only so much a single Null can take throughout their short life and again Zero can't help but note that Fifteen is well past his breaking point. 

"Sev's had the same issue in the past, but… it's even scarier when it's happening to you.", Fifteen sniffles and now it's clear that what he saw just now wasn't sweat, but tears.  _ Yeah, should've figured as much. _

"I'm okay.", Zero states, finally coherent again but with a sore throat. Wow, his brain got the speech thing back into order fast this time. 

It's silent between them, aside from the howling of the desert breeze disrupting it occasionally. 

"What about the job, though?" Because it's been more or less on Zero's mind. What are they even supposed to do out here? Seems like  _ a whole lot of nothing _ is going on in the desert.  _ Or so he thinks. _

For a moment Fifteen simply stares at him, as if he forgot there was even an objective to begin with. 

"Are you really gonna…  _ do this?", _ he asks instead of answering his question. 

"I got dragged out into the middle of nowhere already–", Zero responds, coughing another time. The air is so goddamn dry out here.  _ "–So I wanna see  _ **_some_ ** _ blood now." _

"Can you even move after that?" 

Eager to demonstrate that he's not just tormented dead weight, Zero does his best to sit up as carefully as humanly possible– and it works. Hell, he'd even go as far as saying he's doing well. He scoots to the edge of the trunk to sit there, his shoes making first contact with the sand.  _ Oh, he's wearing old sneakers.  _ Had he still been wearing his sandals, this wouldn't have gone as well. God, just imagining scorching hot sand getting anywhere near his feet makes him tense up. 

Fifteen studies him carefully, as to assess whether he's really good to go or not.  _ C'mon, Fif.  _

"Alright,  _ fine.", _ the other Null eventually begins after another minute of careful pondering, "So, basically, Noël asked me to check out something worrying he found– a lab of some sort." 

Oh, what.  **_Cool._ ** Killing scientists is something he's very familiar with. They don't really resist,  _ so it's not as fun, _ but he can forgive that. 

"Any more info than that from him?" 

"Nope. Planted a tracker for me and left." A short pause. "But whatever they're doing, they wanted to make sure no one finds them, so he wants us to clean up. Just to be safe." 

If Zero's honest, the finer details can remain unknown to him. He just wants to know if there's gonna be some hack-n-slash or not.  _ He's itching for it. _ The act of killing is one of the very few things that make him genuinely happy.  _ It's been too long since he made his last kill. _

"Did you find it yet?" The Null's voice actually grows deep and husky at that.  _ God, he's way into the idea of finally seeing some fresh blood again.  _

Fifteen shakes his head. "Not yet. Pretty sure the fucking sun melted the tracker 'cuz I'm getting nothing." 

He reaches for something at his other side, holding up a simple device that was seemingly thrown together by the person that made it, and then wrapped it in industrial tape for good measure. There's a little screen, an antenna and other bits and pieces Zero can't identify. Once turned on, it emits a high-pitched beep to which Fifteen holds it up towards the sky, like he's trying to get proper reception– now that he thinks about it, it  _ does _ look like a phone… or well,  _ like it used to be one.  _ Fifteen remains like that for a few moments, until the device gives another beep, this time with the lettering "no signal" flashing on its screen. 

_ "For fuck's sake. _ **_Come on."_ **

Zero's gaze has been attentively following the other's movements, even when he held the tracking device up. And so his eyes automatically fall on movement,  _ high up above.  _

Vultures are circling over a spot not far away from their position, although what exactly caught their attention is unclear, thanks to a few boulders in his line of sight. 

Right away, his brain registers that as something suspicious. Of course, an animal might've just died there, but he also doesn't want to spend the entire day out here, getting his ass burnt off; he'll take every possible lead he can get. 

Cue a coarse sigh from Fifteen, followed by downright enraged mumbling under his breath. **_"Boy,_** _do I wanna spend the entire day in the middle of fucking nowhere._ ** _Thanks, Noël."_**

_ Time comes to a complete halt, without any warning.  _

It takes a moment to settle. Zero reels in his spot, immediately turning to Fifteen, who has been frozen in his futile quest to get the tracker to work. However, the Null isn't blacking out. He's conscious.  _ This feels oddly familiar.  _

Then, a figure phases into his field of view, the shine of their silver mask immediately causing him discomfort. Yeah, just when he manages to forget  _ these _ chucklefucks,  **of course** they  _ have _ to appear. He actually scoffs at Tragedy, not afraid of letting them know that he's mighty sick of their shit. 

_ "Haven't brought your buddy along this time?" _

"Thy countenance leads me to believe that dearest Comedy would tease thou due to it.", the silver mask speaks to him in a depressed and monotone sing-song voice, slouched in their spot. 

Deep down Zero fucking despises the way that Tragedy might as well be a very watered down version of him. He may not be aware of much, but at least he's somewhat self-aware; if he had a little bit less personality and no killer instinct,  **_that_ ** would be all that's left of him. 

"Like you give a shit." Cue another grunt, teeth bared. 

"I am not gracing thou with my presence to _spite,_ but to **_assist.",_** Tragedy tells him and it's hard to believe, "Thy intuition shall not fail, swordsman. The **fellow** **kin** of death are eager to guide."

_ Fellow kin? _ Oh, he's talking about the birds. Vultures are known for their association with dead things after all–  _ as is he.  _

"Why are you doing this?', Zero asks and it feels like he's asked that before. 

"Call it a whim of fate,  _ o dearest  _ **_harbinger."_ **

The Null is about to ask again, because that reply isn't nearly enough to be even considering satisfactory, but by the time he can get his brain to process what has been going on, Zero can already hear Fifteen rant to himself again. 

Without further thought, he decides to take the initiative. His arm is raised to point at the vultures in flight, his every motion stiff and rigid, which successfully catches the other's attention. 

"Fif.", Zero says in addition, "Look."

"Huh, what–" Cue Fifteen actually taking a moment till he figures out what Zero means, his eyes cast at the massive birds in flight. "–Oh, yeah. They've been at it for a while."

"Did you check that spot yet?" 

The other Null looks at him in disbelief, almost as if a bit offended that Zero would suggest something like that.  _ "Something just died there. _ It's nothing."

"Let's take a look.", the Null pushes on further. He knows it's not just a dead animal. Tragedy is a motherfucker but they gave him an obvious hint– he's not going to question the mood swings of some fucked up force of nature. 

"Wh–" 

_ "Five minutes, Fif. _ If there's nothing we can look elsewhere." 

"Okay, **fine."** _He's so easy to convince._

Without further ado, Fifteen gets up and by the time Zero does the same, the other Null has already opened the car door. He's a bit slow, in more ways than one. 

Quite some force behind his motions, Zero shuts the trunk and walks around Fifteen's car– oh, right. _Big car._ It's the first time that he actually takes note of what kind of vehicle he's been riding. He's not looking at some cute little coupé. **_Nope,_** he's looking at a big-ass jeep instead. _Zero almost wants to call it an ATV._ That's definitely some military grade shit. _Beyond illegal._ Though, he's gotta say, the color doesn't match. It's light grey. Its appearance aside, the fact that Fifteen even owns a vehicle like this just proves further that no one in New Mecca gives a single wet fuck– **not even the goddamn cops.** _But_ _somehow_ _he doubts that they'd actually go out of their way to fuck with a veteran who drives something like this._

Zero gets into the mildly intimidating jeep, now very aware of the fact that he needs to raise his leg pretty high in order to get in.  _ He's too short for this shit. _ Cue the car door on his side being closed and his seatbelt clicking– only for the flick of a lighter drawing his attention to the source of it. 

_ "Five minutes.", _ Fifteen tells him, an ever subtle smirk curling his lips as he lights the cigarette between them. 

**God,** it's almost like he can't wait to die.  _ How many is that today?  _ However, Zero appreciates that the other Null takes the time to turn away from him when he smokes. 

And thus they sit there– in the comfortable calm before yet another storm.  _ No rest for the wicked. _

"Fif.", the Null says on a whim,  _ yet again feeling a bit soft. _ He fucking hates being needy and clingy but also loves it at the same time. It makes him feel… human, which is something he can't say that he felt before. 

Cue an inquisitive hum from the other as he's about to take another drag from his cigarette. 

The Null doesn't give him a verbal answer and instead simply points to a spot on his cheek, craning his neck towards Fifteen.  _ Zero want kiss, cigarette smoke or not.  _

He gets a soft snort in response to his wordless request which is quickly deemed as irresistible. Not a moment later, Fifteen leans over to press a gentle peck to Zero's cheek. It's such a simple action, yet it manages to make something flutter at the pit of his stomach. It reminds him just a tad bit of the addictive feeling he gets after killing.  _ A morbid comparison, but it's the truth.  _

Soon enough, Fifteen stubs his cigarette in an ashtray in the door on his side.  _ Infamous serial killer who could give less of a shit still doesn't litter, apparently. _

The motor roars to life with a turn of the keys. Definitely sounds a bit different– _at least ten times more fear-instilling–_ after realizing what kinda vehicle he's in. In spite of its size, Fifteen is able to maneuver it with almost terrifying ease. Once they're out of the shade, the change in temperature hits him in an instant. _Yep. Desert hot._ ** _Desert very hot._** This vast steppe is surrounded by those imposing dunes, likely not helping the entire temperature deal. The ground seems to be rather firm here _(well, how else would they have gotten here without sinking in)_ so Fifteen has no problem with driving over the rocky landscape. 

Now that Zero's awake for their involuntary road trip for once,  _ it's actually pretty cool. _ However, what isn't cool is the fact that the lab is further away than it seemed at first glance. The plain flatland stretches before them, but hey, at least there's some of the flowers he saw earlier.  _ Though, there's something else to note, too. _ The otherwise rather sparse vegetation on the way ahead has two rather distinct gashes– tire tracks from weeks or months of going back and forth. 

"Someone's been here.  **A lot.",** Fifteen thinks out loud and it's not hard to notice that those cogs in his head are working overtime. In fact, he even steps on the gas, suddenly eager to get to the supposed carcass as fast as possible– 

_ Zero has a hard time keeping himself from hollering in childish glee at that.  _ But the other Null would probably really start questioning his sanity if he started screaming  _ 'wheeeeee!' _ at the top of his lungs now. 

Thanks to Fifteen suddenly developing a serious case of leadfoot, they make it across the plain quick. Once at the rock formation that has obscured their view from what the vultures are so interested in, he slows down to circle around the jagged terrain and soon comes to a rather abrupt halt. Both Nulls expected to face a horde of hungry raptors, but there is a variable that neither of them foresaw–

**_They're not feasting on a feral carcass._ **

Fifteen squints, pretty much leans over the steering wheel in disbelief, but by the time one of those  _ prehistoric featherbeasts _ flies off with the remains of a hand, the realization sets in. 

_ Yep, that  _ **_used_ ** _ to be a human at some point.  _

Likely in a knee-jerk reaction, the other Null beeps the car horn at the flock of birds, effectively chasing every single one of them away. Unbeknownst to Zero, who is still completely focused on the human remains that look more like beef jerky by now  _ (wow, gnarly),  _ the raptors' impressive wingspans were a bit more in the way than one would suspect. 

"There it is.", Fifteen says and is gone within the blink of an eye. 

But what actually alerts Zero of that fact is the trunk popping open.  _ Again, Jesus Christ, he's fast. _

A bit confused over what Fifteen might be talking about, he lifts his gaze and it falls right upon an opening– the bright shine of metal is nearly blinding him. _ Oh, that's a vault door. Metal vault door. Very shiny. And it's  _ **_open._ ** _ Was that there the whole time?  _ In order to get a better look at everything, Zero gets out of the car, minding his step as he does so–  _ he's too goddamn short for this monster truck. _ To his surprise, the sediment under his feet is rather firm; he was expecting loose sand. 

"Looks like someone was here before us.", Zero states as he observes the gaping iron gate before them– _ from a safe distance, mind you.  _ It's pretty well hidden for something that basically looks like they just dug a tunnel at that spot and called it a day.

"Considering that dried meat it's been like that for quite some time.", Fifteen retorts, "But I doubt that some raiders got to it. We're too far out."

"Huh?"  **_Too far out?_ ** _ They're maybe a few meters outside the city.  _

But just as Zero turns around to give Fifteen a questioning look, his glance sticks to the vast scenery– and in the far distance, he can see the red mountains of New Mecca, their peaks overshadowed by thick rain clouds. They're no more than a large red speck from here. Deep down, the Null is already praying to whatever deity in charge of vehicles that their gas is gonna last the way back. Then again, the other is everything but ill-prepared;  _ he probably has a reserve in the back.  _

Now he finally understands what Fifteen meant when he said that Noël is sending them into buttfuck nowhere.  _ This really is buttfuck nowhere. _

_ "Shit, I'm gonna look like a lobster when we're done here.",  _ the other Null mutters to himself as he rummages around the trunk, catching Zero's attention.

He can't help but snort a little when he looks at Fifteen properly– he's already burnt to a crisp. _ Literally bright red.  _

That small moment of open amusement earns himself a proper death stare, but before he can even think of muttering an apology, Zero is distracted once more, this time by movement in his field of view. One of the raptors has returned, settling on the stone ledge above the lab entrance– the worst part about this is that more are soon to follow the first vulture's example. The Null is way past the point of being afraid of death but he has some major respect for those claws and beaks. 

A draft of wind ruffles the birds' feathers,  _ but it's not the sensation of wind on his skin that rips Zero out of his trance.  _

His nose crinkles out of reflex when he gets a good whiff of the disgustingly sweet stench of rot. It's clear to him right away: that body in front of the entrance is way too dried out to give off that type of odor.  **It comes from within the lab.** With all kinds of alarms going off in his head, Zero stares at the entrance, as if something is going to crawl out and jump at them.

"Fif, there's–", he begins but doesn't get to finish. 

Fifteen obviously smelled it too just now, because Zero gets an entire earful of loud and downright desperate retching. _ God, he sounds like he's turning inside out. _

The Null has a stomach of steel but there's that undeniable feeling at the pit of his gut that makes following Fifteen's example more and more attractive with every breath he takes. Now  **_that_ ** is vile. They're both serial killers in a sense so they're familiar with gore–  **_fresh_ ** _ gore, that is. _ Fresh viscera doesn't stink like this, so he can honestly understand Fifteen's reaction. 

"You okay?" What a question.

He receives only another retch in response.  _ That's a no, probably. _

At the very least, a whim of fate lead them to what might just be the most disgusting and grotesque hotpot in known history. Zero isn't one to be easily swayed but  **this…** well, it's a different caliber than he usually deals with. There are no words to describe his state right now–  _ but somehow he's still doing better than Fifteen.  _ But it's safe to say that the stench somehow gets more putrid with each breath he takes.

_ "Jesus, what the  _ **_fuck.",_ ** the other Null eventually manages to say, probably still hunched over.

Zero should check on him, but he'd rather not choose between fresh puke and rotting flesh at all. However, at the same time there's something in the back of his head– perhaps an old fragment of his self– reminding him of the fact that they're on the job. They  **really** should get on with this, lest Noël thinks they got picked apart by the vultures.

"Want me to go in first?" He's got a tough enough stomach,  _ so might as well. _

Cue a loud clank, causing Zero's head to turn to the source.

It seems that Fifteen's spirits really left him through his stomach; all he can see of him is his arm, still resting upon his sheathed katana after putting it onto the roof of the jeep.  _ Poor piece of shit. _ The vehicle jumps in its spot as the other Null lets himself plop down onto the comfy ledge of the trunk.

"Just… be careful.", he hears Fifteen say, his voice coarse and throaty from the involuntary and rather forceful reflux.

The mere prospect of being able to wield his blade again causes something to stir at Zero's stomach and it's almost like butterflies when he takes the weapon into his hands. It has been only a few days since the last time he got to use it, but it surely feels like meeting an old friend again after several years. His fingers curl tightly around the sheath as he draws the blade with great care– the lustrous shine just about blinds him. Quite literally.  _ Fucking sun.  _ Judging by how nice it looks, Fifteen must've polished it or something.

Without saying another word, Zero carefully makes his way through the sand– taking a brief moment to admire the beef jerky corpse– towards the entrance. Yep, the sheer stench is definitely coming from the hole.  **Great.** Splatters of dried blood clot up the sand before the supposed laboratory and its gate. Someone or something really wanted to make sure no one gets out alive. In fact, he can see more remains in what he assumes to be some sort of entrance area… there's straight up dried guts coating the walls.  _ Yep, that's some dirty kills right there.  _ There's actually some reluctance in his movements as he sets foot into the massacre laid before him. 

_ Maybe he shouldn't just trust Tragedy, but this is their best bet. _

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
